Deliverance
by imgoingtocallyoufern
Summary: "Things between them were about to reach a boiling point, and she could just feel it. The way they constantly were looking at each other, seeming to send one another messages telepathically. They had done it for as long as she could remember, but more recently the messages had seemed to consist of 'kiss me kiss me kiss me,' which certainly was new." (DENSI)
1. Smoldering Heat

**Hello Everyone! I know, I have returned after a very, **_**very, **_**short break! I thought that I was going to take a break from writing for awhile after I finished Sideways, but I guess I just couldn't stay away. An idea for a story popped into my head the other day, and the more I began to sketch it out, the more I loved it. I think I am going to throw you all for a loop next chapter... it won't be what you are expecting, I guarantee it. **

**Anyways, I hope you all enjoy it! Please tell me what you think in the review section below. =)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

"I hated this case." Kensi said through a clenched jaw as she stared at the monitor in front of her.

"I know, wasn't it just fantastic?" Deeks said sarcastically. Kensi elbowed her partner playfully in the side, appreciating the comic relief.

They were standing up in ops with the rest of their team after finally wrapping up yet another case. It had been boring and undoubtedly safe, which Kensi didn't like at all. There weren't any bullets flying, or exciting, heart pounding raids that she got to experience.

Instead, the case consisted of finding the last man in a Russian sleeper cell who ended up being surprisingly easy to catch.

"Kens?"

Deeks nodded towards the door and she just replied with a quiet, "Oh," realizing that everyone else was gone except her and Deeks, and she'd been staring at a blank screen for about a minute or so. Even Nell and Eric had left.

He cocked his head to the side. "You okay?"

She had been acting strange more recently; quiet. Not that she usually was one to voice her feelings to Deeks, or anyone for that matter. Deeks just felt like something was off- and for the most part he was right about that kind of stuff. He had some sort of a sixth sense when it came to Kensi, and it was telling him something- she would just need to be the one to tell him if he was right.

"Yeah!" She replied, sounding overly enthusiastic to compensate for her recent lack of liveliness.

He shot her a knowing look. Deeks could tell when something was off- always. There wasn't much pretending with him, as he knew her better than just about anyone.

"I'm fine Deeks."

Truth was she wasn't really fine, but that certainly wasn't the time or place to talk about it.

Deeks sighed, deeply and heavily. "Okay. I believe you," he said, though he really didn't.

"It's been a long day... let's finish up some paperwork for Hetty, and then catch some sleep."

Kensi raised one eyebrow at Deeks' suspicious wording.

"Separately!" He said, his voice rising jokingly. "Kensi Blye, I never…"

He turned around to leave, and she giggled, following quietly behind him.

That, right there, was precisely what was bothering her. The quick, flirty remarks that they would make to one another. If they were just partners, than why did they talk to one another like that? It wasn't something that normal partners did, certainly not.

They'd had that same cheeky behavior for as long as she could remember, but recently it had become even more apparent. They were still trying to hide their feelings behind a mask of anecdotes and jibes, sure. But for once, she kind of thought that she knew how Deeks felt about her.

Kensi couldn't be certain though, so she did the same thing that she always had when things weren't undeniably evident: she pressed her feelings down, and moved on with her life.

She walked down the stairs behind Deeks, and found her desk alongside her coworkers.

As they completed their case reports, Kensi would look up ever so often, just to see if Deeks was looking at her- and many, many times, he was. It was something he'd been doing more often, looking up at her and catching her eye as she worked. Kensi couldn't lie- she had been doing it as well.

"Well," Deeks said after about a half an hour of work, leaning back in his chair and placing his hands behind his head.

"It's Friday night- how about some drinks? Callen, Sam, Kens?"

Callen nodded. "I'm in."

Sam grinned. "Me too. But only if Shaggy is paying."

Deeks chuckled, turning his attention to Kensi. "How about you, Fern?"

Her heart fluttered just a tad, but she didn't let it show. "Sounds good. I think I need a beer after today."

She looked down to her desk, which was covered by an array of case reports. "So much freaking paperwork."

"Alright, it's settled then." He said with a grin. "I'll go find Eric and Nell, see if they want to join us."

* * *

Kensi drove herself to the restaurant in silence. No radio, no CD, no nothing. They had decided to try out a new bar, so she was following Deeks, who was the only one who knew how to get there.

Her mind had been on him since the second she left OSP, and she wasn't really sure why. Things between them were about to reach a boiling point, and she could just feel it. The way they constantly were looking at each other, seeming to send one another messages telepathically.

They had done it for as long as she could remember, but more recently the messages had seemed to consist of _kiss me kiss me kiss me_, which was new.

Though they were in separate cars, Kensi could still see him ahead of her through the slightly tinted glass of his car. He looked to be singing along rather enthusiastically to the radio, and she giggled. For a split second, she somehow managed to lock eyes with him through his rearview mirror.

She blushed and tried her very best to concentrate on driving straight down the road. If Deeks made her swerve, she'd never hear the end of it.

Deeks made an unexpected left turn, and she spun her wheel quickly to follow him. She looked back up to see if he was still singing in his car, which he wasn't- Kensi had obviously caught him doing something that he found embarrassing.

Instead, Deeks ran one hand through his hair and Kensi just about fainted. He was so damn handsome.

They eventually made their way to the restaurant, and Kensi hopped out of her car and into the sweltering sun. The temperature had been on the rise, and it seemed to get even hotter when she finally caught up with Deeks.

"Hey."

They were the first ones to the restaurant, and Kensi desperately needed something to say after their little staring contest on the drive over.

"So what were you singin' along to, Deeks?" She asked as they slowly made their way towards the front door of the bar.

"Oh, just the oldies station," he said, hands in his back pockets.

She laughed, her eyes opening wide. "What song?"

"It's really, really old. You probably wouldn't even know it." Deeks didn't really want to say the title, but he could feel her pressing for it.

Kensi just laughed even harder. "What song, Deeks?"

He turned his head to look directly at her. "You've really got a hold on me."

Deeks was immediately overcome by the absolute truth of his own words. He hadn't intended in any way for his words to relate to his relationship with Kensi- but they had, and he couldn't really take it back.

Kensi and Deeks both slowed down and then stopped, their eyes beating into one another's.

She didn't know what to say or do; she was too mesmerized by the bright blue hue of his eyes. Suddenly everything about him seemed perfect, from the cute freckles that decorated his cheeks to the way his little blond hairs framed his face.

"Deeks I…"

"Yes?" he replied, eagerly picking up the end of her sentence. Deeks took a half step closer to her, waiting for her to say something- anything, really. They hovered there in complete silence for a moment, before being interrupted by a startling sound.

"Hey guys!"

Kensi and Deeks whipped their heads around to find Nell and Eric walking towards them. They both seemed oblivious to the exchange that had just gone down between Kensi and Deeks, and smiled happily as they made their way towards the entrance.

"Come on!" Nell exclaimed excitedly. "I need a drink!"

Deeks cleared his throat and Kensi ran a hand through her hair, slowly stepping away from one another and recreating the gap that had been there previously. Not just the physical gap, but the emotional one too.

Kensi had come dangerously close to telling Deeks how she felt, but luckily Nell had stopped her.

_'Thank God.' _She thought to herself. It would be bad for Deeks to know how much she cared about him- right?

They entered the bar, which was already crowded and smoldering with heat. The massive amount of bodies that were crammed into the tiny space caused beads of sweat to immediately accumulate around Kensi's hairline.

Despite their moment of awkwardness, when the time came for them to find a table, Deeks didn't hesitate to grab Kensi's hand and help pull her through the crowd.

There was a split second when they finally stood still that he didn't release her hand. Deeks was scanning his eyes around the room, looking for familiar faces. He quickly spotted Callen and Sam- apparently Kensi and Deeks hadn't been the first ones to arrive.

In the exact same instant they both released one another's hand, making their way over to their coworkers, with Nell and Eric trailing behind.

"Hey," Deeks said breathlessly, sliding into one side of the booth. Kensi was making her way over at a leisurely pace, until some guy walked by rather quickly, practically shoving her down next to Deeks in the booth.

"Hey- watch it!" Deeks called out after the man, his protective instincts kicking into high gear.

Kensi's cheeks reddened. Secretly she loved it when he got defensive of her, but it still wasn't necessary. The last thing either of them needed was their coworkers wondering why Deeks was acting like an overprotective boyfriend.

'_Because he isn't.' _Kensi had to keep reminding herself. _'He isn't your boyfriend. He is your partner.'_

"I'm fine Deeks- don't worry about it," she said, patting his hand. Did he feel the same electricity shock through him when they touched, or was it just her?

"Well, I don't think you could've picked a busier place," Eric said, ignoring whatever was brewing between Kensi and Deeks, instead looking around for a place to sit. The booth only sat four people, and it would be very cramped if they all tried to fit.

Nell walked up, a bar stool in each hand. "Here, these will have to do," she said with a smile, as her and Eric sat down at the end of the table.

"I'll grab us some drinks," Kensi said, needing a bit of space from Deeks. Mainly so that she wouldn't do anything she regretted, like kissing him. Yeah, that would be bad.

"What do you guys want?" She asked, waving her pointer finger around the table to everyone as she stood up. The resounding answer from the entire table was beer. Kensi laughed and grabbed Nell to come with her and help carry the drinks.

They made their way through the growing crowd until finally reaching the bar.

"Six beers," Kensi said to the bartender, who grew wide-eyed and nodded.

"Any use telling him that they aren't all for us?"

Kensi shook her head with a smirk and they both laughed.

"So- what was going on between you and Deeks back there in the parking lot? Anything I should know about?"

Kensi whipped her head around, backtracking immediately. Apparently they had noticed.

"No. It was nothing. Really, it wasn't anything."

Nell certainly didn't seem convinced. "You sure? Because recently things have seemed rather… tense between you two. Either that or it's as if you're gonna make out any second. One of the two."

Kensi laughed nervously, unsure of what she should say.

"I don't know Nell… we are in a bit of a weird spot right now. Things are just, a little, um, off, I guess."

"Or on..." Nell said, trailing off.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

Kensi sighed heavily. "We just need to figure our thing out. Whatever that is."

"Yeah, you really do. This has been going on for way too long, sweetie. It's time you tell him how you feel."

Kensi could feel her cheeks turn a deep shade of crimson. "What do you mean?" She asked, looking down to pick at her nails.

"Oh, come on! It's not like we don't all know that you're mad for him!"

Kensi rolled her eyes, speaking quietly. "That's not true Nell. 'Cause... cause I don't even know how _I _feel yet."

"Well, you better figure it out then, huh?" Nell added with a grin.

The bartender set down six beers in front of them, and they carried them back to the table, each holding three.

As they made their way back through the crowd, Kensi caught sight of Deeks. Her heart rate quickened as she saw him chatting at the table with all the guys. He was laughing, most likely at something Sam had said, and his cuteness was almost too much to handle.

She loved everything he did, from the way his nose scrunched up when he laughed to the way he leaned forward with his elbows on the table. Everything.

"We've got drinks!" Nell exclaimed, setting three beers down on the table with a thud.

Callen smirked. "You seem pretty excited- ya sure those aren't all for you Nell?"

She cocked her head to the side and glared. "Ha ha. Take your beer before I chuck it at you."

Kensi slid back into the booth next to Deeks, passing around the three beers to Callen, Deeks, and herself.

Their hands brushed one another's during the handoff, and something that usually would be considered quite trivial seemed rather explosive that night.

It was going to be a fun evening. Maybe.


	2. Rude Awakenings

**Thanks so much for the reviews and follows- I love waking up to those! This story is going to be **_**long **_**(I think- unless my current plan changes) so be sure to add it to your alerts!**

**I hope you all enjoy this chapter- I really did. Please leave me your thoughts in the review section below! =)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

Kensi sat her empty beer bottle back down on the counter- it was only her second one of the night, but she decided that would be a good place to leave it. There had already been enough sexual tension between her and Deeks, and Kensi was sure that if she got drunk she was bound to say something she'd regret.

"Want another one?" Nell asked, trying to flag down a waiter.

"No, no. I'm good."

"So Kensi," Callen began, "You seemed pretty bored with this last case, huh?"

Kensi rolled her eyes. They had all been taking turns teasing her for it, and it was getting old. She didn't like quiet cases like the one that the team had just wrapped up- they were quite daft and insignificant to her.

The rest of the group didn't mind them, they were a chance to relax, and maybe, just maybe, not worry about being shot at for ten minutes.

"Yeah- I was bored with it. So what? I like action and excitement! You guys would rather just sit around like your ninety…"

"Hey, hey!" Callen said, putting his hands up. "Excuse me for liking a break sometimes from the craziness! For once, Deeks won't have to constantly worry about you getting shot at- ever think about that?" He asked the question playfully, but it still managed to get her thinking.

"Sorry Deeks!" She said in between giggles. "I didn't know you were so worried about me!"

He smiled and laughed, but it was true- he was constantly worried about her. Terrified that she was going to get herself shot, or worse. Kensi was like a danger magnet- wherever she went, trouble was never too far behind.

The team continued talking, mostly about the scariest times they've ever been shot at, or funny stories they'd acquired on the job.

After probably another hour of small talk, Kensi checked her watch. It was well after eleven o'clock, they'd had their appetizers and drinks, and she was feeling the effects of a long workweek set in.

"Look guys- this has been fun and all, but I should probably head out."

Deeks stretched his arms out in front of his head and yawned. "Yeah, me too. You guys are fun, but my bed sounds much, much better," he teased.

The entire table laughed, and stood up to go along with them.

"You guys aren't staying?" Deeks asked with raised eyebrows.

"Hell no. I can feel the cooling effects of my beer wearing off, and it is way too damn hot in here," Sam said, throwing a ten dollar bill down on the table.

The rest of the team did the exact same, and attempted to make their way outside through the horde of people, which had only grown since they first got there.

Deeks once again grabbed Kensi's hand, intertwining his fingers with hers. Yes, _intertwining. _Unlike last time though, when they got outside, Deeks didn't drop her hand.

Nell grinned and bit her lip as she stared at Kensi and Deeks' hands, which were still together, even when they were standing still.

Kensi followed her gaze and ripped her hand away, slightly more aggressively than she meant to. Deeks looked rather hurt, and Kensi shot him an, _I'm sorry _look, one that he received rather quickly.

Luckily no one besides Nell had seen the little exchange between Kensi and Deeks- or at the very least weren't leading them to believe that they had.

Nell wanted to give them time to talk without everyone crowded around, so she swiftly and smoothly found a way to usher everyone out. It was a rather drunk way to do it- but it worked all the same.

"Well I am gonna go now… last one to their car is a rotten egg!" She ran off, letting Eric run behind her. Callen and Sam shrugged at one another, and than ran their separate ways to their cars.

"Goodnight!" They all hollered between laughs as they fought one another for the first place spot.

"Night!" Kensi and Deeks called out after their friends.

Neither of them hastily ran to their cars. They just stood their together, unconvinced of exactly what they should say or do.

There was a slightly uncomfortable silence for a moment, before Deeks decided to break it. "And then there were two."

Kensi giggled, any and all thoughts she was having easily interrupted by the thumping base that was coming from inside.

"Yes. Two."

'_The perfect two…' _Kensi thought to herself for a split second, silently willing the words out of her mind.

"Well…" Kensi said awkwardly, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. "I'll see you on Monday then?"

'_Monday,' _Deeks thought regrettably. It seemed so far away, and Deeks was certain that he would spend the entire weekend thinking about his partner. Still, he agreed anyway. What other option did he have?

"Yeah. Monday. Sounds… good."

They both turned to leave, realizing that they had to walk together as their cars were parked directly next to one another's. Kensi unlocked her door, making her way around to the driver's side.

"Bye Deeks," she said with a strange twinge to her voice, one which sounded almost wistful.

"Bye Kens." An overhead light in the parking lot showed directly on Deeks' face, making his vivid blue eyes glimmer even more than usual.

'_Love you,' _was what she desperately wanted to add, but instead she just internalized it, letting the words repeat over and over again in her head. For that night, it would have to do.

* * *

Kensi's couch was incredibly comfortable that night, yet undeniably lonely. She sat there in sweatpants and Deeks' oversized tee shirt, watching the Top Model marathon for the millionth time.

Yes- Kensi was wearing _Deeks' _tee shirt. She had accidently packed it in her bag when they had gone undercover together, and never bothered to give it back to him. It had been gathering dust in the bottom of her dresser drawer, and that night seemed like an especially good time to wear it.

Her hair was piled up on top of her head into a bun, with a few loose wisps hanging down around her face. The minute she got home, Kensi had retrieved yet another beer from her fridge.

Now that she was away from Deeks and the possibility of saying something that she would regret to him, Kensi assumed that she would have another one- just to let some steam off.

She wasn't angry or upset- for she had no reason to be. Kensi was just frustrated, for lack of a better word. Frustrated with herself, her feelings, and her situation. Deeks was just so… presumably perfect, in every sense of the word.

From his silly little mannerisms to the way he said her name, every single thing he did seemed to send her off into the mystical realm of Deeks.

It was a place where she could imagine their lives fitting perfectly together, where Granger didn't exist, where the Top Model marathon was always on Lifetime, and where she was able to forget about the real world, even if it was just for a little while. Where she was able to love Deeks with every thing she had, rather than constantly trying to find a way to subdue her feelings.

But in reality, she was just sitting on her couch, wearing his tee shirt, and chanting _don't get attached _over and over again in her head. Because, as Kensi knew all too well, the ones that you get attached to always end up leaving in the end. At least in her case they had.

There was an unexpected knock at the door, and Kensi jumped up quickly. She assumed it was her neighbor, who constantly managed to lock herself out of her house.

Kensi glanced over to the clock in her kitchen. It was well past midnight, and an odd time for anyone to come over unannounced, even a friendly neighbor.

She swung the door open without even looking in the peephole. Before her stood a tearful Deeks, his hands behind his back. He scratched the back of his head, and reached up to grab the doorframe with one hand.

Deeks never cried. Never. So seeing him in that state alone was enough to practically send her into hysterics.

"Deeks?" Kensi asked quietly, her voice a measly whisper.

He opened his mouth and then closed it again, finally settling on the few words that he knew he could say without breaking down.

"I didn't know where else to go…"

Tears began to pool in Kensi's eyes, her heart tearing at his words. She had no clue what was wrong, but by the tone in his voice she knew it couldn't be good.

"Come in," she said, closing the door behind Deeks as he made his way over to her couch, sitting down without another word.

He didn't speak for a good minute or so. Instead, he just sat there on her couch, his head in his hands. She thought about saying something more, but Kensi saw him searching for words, and waited.

Deeks looked up at her, still remaining hunched over where he sat. "My mom died," he said in a staggered tone.

"I-I'm sad Kens, and can't quite seem to figure out why."

She sat down next to him and he placed his head back in his hands. Kensi bit her lip, trying her best to make her own tears go away.

She just wrapped one arm around his back, leaning her head onto his right shoulder. "I'm so sorry Deeks."

He sighed heavily, leaning back on the couch and taking Kensi with him. "I got a call from some hospital in Fresno… they said that she died from a stroke. I don't even know how the hell they got my number, but..."

He shook his head, and Kensi just murmured, "I'm sorry," once more.

After a long moment, Deeks shot up from where he sat on her couch. He was angry and sad and didn't know why.

"This is crazy though- because I hated her! She was mean, and awful, just like my dad. I haven't spoke to her for years either! But now she's dead, and I just…"

Kensi stood up and gave him a hug, enveloping him in an iron grip, and allowing him to cry on her shoulder.

He finally moved away from Kensi and they both sat back down on her couch.

"She was the only remaining member of my family Kens- everyone else is dead."

He turned his head to look at her, letting his eyes beat into hers. "Where the hell does that leave me?"

There wasn't a moment of trepidation when she spoke. "Here. With me."

She knew how that sounded, and tried to cover it up. It definitely wasn't the best night to divulge her true feelings to him.

"Look Deeks- you have NCIS. We're your family, and you know that."

He smiled half-heartedly. "I know Kens, it's just…"

"Hard?" She prompted, trying her very best to help him find the right words.

He nodded.

"Trust me Deeks, I get it."

Deeks stood up again. Somehow, pacing the length of Kensi's living room seemed to help.

"Now I have so many weird mixed feelings about, just, everything..."

She could see where their conversation was leading by the tone of his voice.

"What feelings, exactly?"

He stopped pacing and stared at Kensi, his hands in his pockets. "I don't know, exactly. Suddenly I feel like everything is so unsure- as if any moment now everybody is gonna be gone."

She shook her head in disbelief. "We aren't going anywhere Deeks. That's ridiculous."

He was silent for a moment, before looking towards the door and then back to Kensi.

"I just feel like I need to tell you something, but I don't know if now is the right time to say it."

Kensi's couldn't breathe or speak. Her heart practically stopped. '_He is going to tell you,' _was all she could think to herself. _'He is going to tell you how he feels.' _

"Tell me later, then." She said, watching Deeks whole demeanor change. He crossed his arms across his chest and listened intently.

"Tell me when you aren't upset and sad and angry. Not now, Deeks. It's just not the right time."

He nodded easily, understanding where she was coming from. It _wasn't _the right time, and he knew it.

Deeks wandered back towards her, and sat back down on the couch. Once again Kensi leaned her head on Deeks' shoulder. This time though, she reached over towards his knee and grabbed his right hand.

They sat that way for a minute and Kensi closed her eyes, willing all the problems that Kensi and Deeks were facing to leave them.

"It's getting late," Deeks finally said, despondency evident in his tone. "I should go home."

The last thing in the world that Deeks wanted to do was drive home alone, and then return to an empty apartment, as he would have to think about what happened that night. He really didn't have any other choice though, so Deeks just volunteered to leave.

Kensi shook her head. "No, stay."

He was shocked, but happily so.

"Take the couch. It's really comfy, I promise."

He smiled and yawned at the same time. "You sure?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm positive. We both need to get some sleep, Deeks- I won't if I have to worry about you."

"Okay." He said, more seriously. "Thank you."

She stood up to go get him some pillows and blankets. "Don't sweat it."

Kensi made his bed nicely, even propping up a fan for him as the heat wave that was going on outside had slowly drifted into her apartment.

"I think that will do." She said with a grin.

Deeks nodded and hopped onto the couch, sitting with his legs crisscrossed. He looked up at her and she hovered for a moment, desperately wanting to speak the truth. Her truth.

'_Not tonight,' _she reminded herself.

Instead, Kensi just swallowed and repeated the line that she had been saying to him all night. "I really am sorry Deeks."

"It's alright." He grinned feebly. "Thanks for… for being there. It means a lot."

"Always," she replied simply. Kensi finally broke eye contact with him and began walking towards her bedroom.

"Goodnight Deeks," she said, leaning out her doorway before shutting off the light.

"Night Kens." He replied, for a fleeting second desperately wanting to tack three little words onto the end of his sentence.

He didn't.


	3. The Tell

**Hello Everyone! Thanks so much for all the reviews and follows, I really appreciate it. Now this next chapter (the first part) was inspired by a scene in "Our Summer" by PrincessTiva! It's a really great NCIS story, and you should go check it out!**

**Anyways- please review and tell me what you all think of this chapter- I love you ALL! =)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

Kensi sat on the edge of her bed, her legs swaying back and forth as she tried to decide what to do. She was wide-awake, and had been for probably the past hour.

She had woken up abruptly, just to remember that Deeks was on the couch right outside of her bedroom. She had this weird feeling; a strange pressure in her chest. Kensi wanted to see him- immediately. But it was only six AM, on a Saturday, and she was sure that if she went out right then she'd wake him up.

So, instead, she was just sitting there, waiting until she could hear something, anything coming from the other room. Footsteps maybe, to let her know that Deeks was awake too.

Kensi couldn't stand it any longer. She tiptoed over to her bedroom door, and opened it just a crack. She looked out, and could see Deeks lying on her couch, eyes closed, with his head facing perfectly towards her. He was doing that cute little crinkly think with his nose.

Kensi blushed thinking back to what Deeks had said when they were undercover together- that he only did it when he was really happy. Kensi smiled, and then abruptly closed her door again when Deeks stirred and turned over to the other side of the couch.

She leaned her head back against the wall, once again in the safety of her room- where she didn't have to worry about Deeks finding her spying on him. She giggled just the tiniest bit, contemplating what she was doing. She was sitting in _her own _apartment, spying on her partner who was asleep on her couch. Weird.

Again, she realized how strange everything was between her and Deeks. _Not normal partner behavior. _

Kensi loved him, she was certain of it. She felt like she needed to tell him- hell she'd felt that way for years.

Her brain was telling her that it wasn't the right time, but when would the right time finally come along? Would it be another year down the road? She definitely didn't want to wait that long, and was sure that Deeks wouldn't want to either.

She thought back to what Deeks had said the night before, about wanting to tell her something. Her heart rate quickened and she shook her head, as Kensi knew what he was going to say- or at least she thought she did. It only made sense that he would be telling her that he loved her.

Kensi placed her head in her hands, inhaling a deep breath and a silent scream.

'_Am I crazy?' _was all she could think.

The resounding answer from her subconscious: _'Maybe.'_

She sighed- it was seven AM, and if Deeks wasn't awake by then, than it was his own damn dault. She opened the door quickly, pretending as if she hadn't been sitting by it for the past twenty minutes.

"Morning Deeks," Kensi said with a smile as she wandered back into the living room, and then to the kitchen. They had been up late, and she was in desperate need of coffee.

It was inexplicably nice waking up to someone. She loved having him there, having someone to talk to in the mornings.

She had quickly learned from going undercover with Deeks that he was most adorable first thing in the morning.

"Morning," he said simply, throwing the covers off his legs and standing up to stretch.

Deeks looked at his partner, and had to turn around where he stood to hide his growing smirk from Kensi.

She was wearing an old pair of sweatpants and what he could've sworn was his tee shirt. It was so oversized on her, and somehow too adorable. He considered asking her about it, but thought it would be better if he didn't.

"Coffee?" He asked groggily, pointing towards the machine that Kensi was fidgeting with.

"Yup, it's brewing!" She replied cheerily, pulling a box of cereal out of the cupboard. Kensi was still unsure of how to act, as the events that had transpired the night before were completely new and foreign to the both of them. She wanted to lighten the mood- whatever mood that was. Kensi couldn't tell exactly how he was feeling.

Deeks sat down on a barstool in front of Kensi's kitchen nook. He loved how comfortable they were together, just sitting and chatting, as if the entire situation wasn't awkward and strange to them both.

"Cereal?" Kensi asked, shaking the box up and down enough to hear the oat clusters crunch against each other.

"Sounds good to me."

Kensi got out the carton of milk and got prepared Deeks' breakfast. Her back was turned to him, so Deeks thought it was safe to show the grin that stretched from ear to ear across his face.

Kensi was standing in the kitchen, making him breakfast. Granted it was only cereal, but still. It seemed so... domestic. So damn domestic.

She handed it to him, along with a cup of coffee.

He took a bite, and nodded with a wink. "It's great. How'd you learn to cook like this Blye?"

Okay, so he was going to be playful. She could deal with that- it was what they always did. They pushed aside all awkwardness and drama in favor of having fun.

"It's a talent Deeks, that's all I can say," she replied in between sips of coffee.

There was a momentary pause, a silence that wafted throughout the room as Deeks bore his eyes into Kensi's.

"I love… this," he said, gesturing back and forth between their two coffee mugs.

He'd come damn well close to saying I love _you, _but fortunately Deeks had stopped himself.

"Usually I have my breakfast alone." He was smiling while he spoke, but there was still a twinge of sadness in his voice.

"Same," she replied simply, her voice trailing off.

Deeks looked around the room while he ate his cereal, trying to find someway to change the subject. He hadn't really observed her apartment at all the night before, and it had been awhile since he'd been over there.

It was messy, as usual, but something else was different.

"Did you move around the furniture or something?"

Kensi furrowed her brow and looked past him into her living room. "Oh! No, I didn't, I just bought a dining room table."

His face was in an expression of mock surprise. "What? Kensi Blye eating somewhere other than her couch?! Ridiculous!"

She shot him a glare. "Very funny. I just thought that if I had people over, it would be a good place to eat, rather than always making people sit on my couch."

Deeks raised his eyebrows. "What kind of people?"

Kensi took a long sip of her coffee, easily raising the mug up to cover her face. "I don't know Deeks… people, okay?"

She turned around to pour herself another cup of coffee, avoiding Deeks' stare.

Truthfully, when she said people, she meant Deeks. She had been thinking about getting one recently, as the idea of her and Deeks finally being more than just partners, and able to go over to her house and eat breakfast or dinner or whatever together sounded wonderful.

Even though, he finally was there, with her, and they weren't even using it.

_Geez. I really am insane._

Kensi obviously wasn't going to give Deeks a straightforward answer, so he figured it best to drop the topic, before things got awkward.

"So Kens… what are ya doing today?" Deeks looked out the kitchen window. "It's beautiful, so I think I'm gonna take Monty for a walk, and then go surfing for a little while."

Deeks cocked his head to one side, obviously reaching for Kensi to take the hint. She didn't.

He took a deep breath. "Do you wanna join me?"

She smiled and blushed a bit, completely taken aback. "Yeah- sure."

It wasn't as if she was planning on doing anything that day, other than watching some more television and kickboxing for a bit. Honestly though, spending the day with her partner sounded like a much, much better idea.

"We can drive to my place and get Monty, and then walk take him down to the beach. I have an extra board you can use, but you'll have to rent a wetsuit."

She smirked. "Really Deeks. I live in California- do you seriously think that I don't own a wetsuit?"

He was stunned, and kind of insulted- he didn't exactly know why. "Who do you ever go surfing with that isn't, well, me?"

That's where his offended feelings were coming from- Deeks was jealous. As Usual.

She threw her hands up in the air, giving up whatever front she was trying to put up before.

"Okay, fine. I have one from that case a few months ago, when we went surfing."

Deeks flashed Kensi a crooked smile, so happy that she saved all of her beach time to be spent with him.

"Shut uuuup!" Kensi called as she walked into the other room, sensing Deeks about to make some flirty comment, and she didn't want to hear it. Not after the night before- there was no way. Not after she had practically rejected him, and they were suddenly spending the day together.

_As partners. _She quickly reminded herself. _Partners._

* * *

It certainly didn't look that way though as Kensi and Deeks walked around his neighborhood with Monty in tow. They looked like a couple- there was no denying it. Why else would a handsome, young guy like Deeks be walking his dog down the street with a beautiful, darling girl like Kensi?

There was no real excuse they could use if anyone asked, which they definitely did. People loved to stop and pet Monty, who tended to garner the two of them much unwanted attention.

They couldn't say that they were siblings, because that would be weird, _and _they looked nothing alike. And just saying that they were partners either sounded like they were in some sort of a domestic union, or that they were some kind of law enforcement- which wasn't aloud to be known.

If someone did buy their story that they were _just partners, _Kensi and Deeks tended to get a smile, wink, and, "Oh, yeah. Ahuh," from whoever their inquisitor was.

After about encountering about three of those along their stroll, Kensi and Deeks eventually got to the point where they just didn't deny it any more. What was the harm in letting someone think that they were a couple?

Apparently, it was sizeable.

They stopped into a small corner store to grab some water bottles and snacks before they went down to the beach. Lucky for them, they were in California, which meant that it was entirely alright for Monty to join them in the grocery store.

"You have such a cute dog!" A woman who looked to be around ninety said, stopping them in the store.

"And you are_ such _a cute couple!"

Kensi bit her bottom lip and looked down to the floor.

"Thanks," they both said finally. The woman smiled and turned away from them, slowly making her way towards the checkout counter.

She ended up being the least of their worries.

"Kensi? Deeks?"

They turned around to find a familiar face gawking at them in the snack isle: it was Callen.

Deeks' eyes widened, and he glanced down to Kensi. "Oh, um, hey." He said awkwardly, running one hand through his hair. It definitely didn't look good for them.

They had been all been together until quite late the night before, and it was only nine AM the next morning- Callen definitely had reason to be suspicious, especially considering how flirty they'd been.

Kensi looked up to Deeks, nervously scratching her head. They hadn't done anything, but saying that you spent the night at your partner's house didn't exactly make it sound like they _weren't _sleeping together.

Callen smirked, and it was obvious that he was about to bust over in a fit of laughter. It was comical how ridiculously awkward they were acting. "So... what are you two up to?"

"Well, we-"

"I just-"

Kensi and Deeks tried to speak at the same time, and awkwardly gazed up at one another.

Deeks chimed in during the brief silence."We were just gonna go surfing for a little while."

"Uh-huh," Callen said, nodding his head. He wasn't buying any of it.

"Oh. Right. Gotcha. Well… have fun!" Callen said, shaking his head with a smirk as he walked away.

Kensi and Deeks silently turned their backs to Callen until he finished paying for his food and left.

Kensi exhaled, and looked up at her partner. "Well that was awkward."

Deeks was all smiles though, and Kensi narrowed her eyes. "What?"

"Did you hear that sweet lady, Fern? We make such a cute couple!" He exclaimed with a grin, loving the thought that others believed they were together, even if it wasn't really true.

Kensi rolled her eyes and grabbed a bag of chips. "Get the water bottles and let's go before I shoot you, kay?"

* * *

"Monty! Sit… good boy."

Kensi was changing into her swimsuit while Deeks set up a nice little spot for them on the beach. The ocean waves weren't quite high enough for them to surf yet, so they had opted to lay out in the hot summer sun for awhile instead of heading back.

"Hey!"

Deeks turned around as Kensi walked towards him, clad in her favorite chevron print bikini.

Deeks' eyes went wide. She was so gorgeous- he almost couldn't handle it. Almost.

She jogged over, closing the rest of the gap between them rather swiftly. She turned her head; looking past Deeks towards the calm, clear water.

"Still no waves, huh?"

"Nope, not yet. I guess we'll just have to lay out in the sun for a little while."

Deeks definitely didn't sound too upset about it, and slipped off his tee shirt.

Kensi grinned, turning around to hide her expression from Deeks, just as he had done that morning.

She piled her hair into a bun on top of her head, and turned around to find Deeks rubbing sunscreen on his muscular biceps.

"Want some?" He asked, holding the bottle of sunblock out towards her.

"You know there is no way in hell that I am letting you rub sunscreen on me Deeks, so stop thinking about it."

He put his hands up, pleading his innocence. "I'm not! I swear. I just don't want you to get sunburned."

He was surprisingly sweet about it, so she plopped down onto the beach towel next to him.

"And a smile, good." He said, grinning and handing the bottle to Kensi.

Deeks laid back, placing his hands behind his head.

"Now- this is the life, Fern."

* * *

After about an hour of sunbathing and relaxing, Monty apparently decided he'd had enough, and wanted to swim. He took off towards the water unexpectedly, and Kensi was the first to notice.

"Deeks!" She yelled, nudging him until he opened his eyes just a crack. "Monty!"

She pointed towards the water and they both stood up, running after him in a split second.

"Monty!" Deeks hollered, as he and Kensi both darted into the water. Apparently the dog thought he was in trouble, because he swam and then ran the opposite direction, scampering out of the water just as they dived in.

Deeks seemed to think it was a good time to start playing around with Kensi, now that they had averted near-disaster with his dog.

He wrapped his arms around Kensi's waist, pulling her out of the water and throwing her over his shoulder.

"It's all good," he called out to nobody in particular. "I saved her!"

"Deeks!" Kensi hollered out in between laughs. "DEEKS! Put me down!"

"Don't worry Fern- I've gotcha," he said with a crooked grin, carrying her out of the water and back down to her beach towel.

He laid her down and she laughed, grinning up at him. It had been pretty funny- she would give him that.

Deeks was only about six inches from her face at that point, hovering over her with a smile on his face that just wouldn't go away.

"Hey Deeks?" she said breathlessly.

"Yeah?"

"I think the waves are high enough now," she whispered, pointing past him towards the water.

"Huh?" He asked quietly and absentmindedly, mesmerized by Kensi's deep brown eyes.

She laughed. "To go surfing."

He still looked confused. "_The waves, _Deeks."

He brushed the hair away from his face. "Oh, right. Yeah- sorry."

He leaned away from her, clearing his throat and standing up.

Kensi widened her eyes as she sat up, reaching towards her bag to grab her wetsuit.

_Not just partners. Not just partners. Not just partners... _

She decided it was probably best to pretend that _hadn't_ just happened. She slipped the suit on over her bikini, and watched as Deeks did the same.

Kensi walked past him, gently elbowing her partner in the side with a grin.

"Surf's up."


	4. Last Call

**Hello everyone! Thanks so much for the kind reviews and PMs, I really appreciate it, and will definitely be continuing this story- so not to worry! **

**Some people have been asking me where I am going with the storyline, and I will tell you that the climax won't really be expected. It's going to be a dramatic story, like all of mine are. Please keep with it though, as I promise that the endgame will be worth it. **

**I am currently writing a story plan/outline for **_**Deliverance, **_**as I do with all my longer stories. So far, I love where it is heading, and I hope that you all will as well. **

**Soon enough, I will be tugging at your heartstrings! (And by soon, I mean next chapter. And then the next few after that.)**

**As always, please leave me your thoughts in the review section below. =)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

Kensi and Deeks surfed for close to two hours, finally stopping only when they became exceedingly exhausted, and were hardly even able to stand up on their boards.

It was time for lunch, but since they were still soaked with salt-water from their surfing excursion, they settled on tacos from a fish truck and eating at a small wire table outside.

The heat was fatiguing, and it seemed to drain any remaining energy that they had left straight out of them.

"So I'm guessing this is your idea of perfect day, huh Deeks?"

"Hm?" He barely let out the sound in between large bites of his taco.

Kensi grinned, taking a sip of her water. "I mean, look around! You have Monty, fish tacos, sunshine, surfing…"

"You," he added with a cheeky grin.

She tried desperately hard not to blush, and played off his little remark as a joke.

"Yes, me. You should feel very lucky to have me."

She winced slightly at her choice of words, and Deeks leaned forward, teasingly intrigued.

"To _have _you?"

There was a momentary silence. "You know what I mean." Kensi said, quickly picking up her fish taco and taking a huge bite.

Deeks wasn't letting her off that easily. "Do I?"

Kensi stopped chewing for a moment, and just looked across the table at him.

He was making everything far too difficult. It was so challenging for her to just smile and laugh, and flag every little flirty comment he made as insignificant, because they weren't-they meant something.

Deeks was gorgeous. Funny. Smart. Quick. Witty. Cheeky. Everything she had ever wanted in a guy, and then some. Everything she _thought _she never wanted or needed, but was quickly realizing that she couldn't live without.

He was just… everything.

She quickly swallowed; realizing that she had been chewing her food much longer than necessary, just to avoid responding to Deeks.

Kensi set down her taco and cleared her throat, running her hands across the paper napkin in her lap. As usual, she ignored the little question Deeks had asked her before, and changed the subject.

"Do ya have your second wind yet?" She asked with a grin.

He nodded with a crooked smile, happy that Kensi wasn't annoyed at him for being so flirtatious.

There was a fine line drawn in between them, one that neither of them dared to cross. It was the line between partner and mate; friend and something more.

If Deeks pushed too much, too quickly, it could have disastrous results. One little misstep and he could fall far, far away from her.

Deeks finished his taco and pushed the little paper plate away from him, sinking down a bit further into his chair. He grabbed his water and unscrewed the cap slowly, his entire focus channeled towards Kensi.

"You sure you wanna go surfing again? You don't need a break?" He asked the question sincerely, with just a hint of tease in his voice.

She glared at him, but a smile was tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"You know, I think I can handle myself Deeks. I know how to surf."

Kensi said the last part of her answer quietly, as Deeks definitely was a much better surfer than she was. She was good, sure, but he was _really _good.

He had more experience, which made the game quite fun for him. Deeks could use the excuse of _helping Kensi _as a quick reason for him to constantly be by her side, waiting to catch her if she fell.

In all other aspects of her life, Kensi was never the _damsel in distress, _so to speak. She could stand up for herself, and never needed anyone to rescue her from the dangers of the world.

Deeks wished that sometimes Kensi would just let him save her, and let him be her knight in shining armor. But she wouldn't, so saving her from the crashing waves at Venice Beach was the best he was going to get.

Kensi stood up, grabbing both of their plates and tossing them in the garbage bin.

"Let's go," she said, picking up her water bottle and reaching for Monty's leash, which was tied to the table.

Both Kensi and Deeks went for it at the same time, their hands brushing against one another's in the exchange.

The electricity she felt sent shockwaves through her body and shivers down her spine.

How could he do that to her? How could he, with one simple touch, make her entirely loose her train of thought and forget how to breathe? It was indisputable and irrefutable, how _right _everything felt when she was with him.

But of course, she brushed it off as nothing more than a simple touch.

"You can take Monty," she said almost inaudibly, with a small smile, turning around to walk away and leaving Deeks to play catch up.

* * *

They made it back down to the beach rather swiftly. Kensi walk was a fast one, as she was trying her best not to think about Deeks as anything but a partner.

_Partner. Partner. Partner._

They'd left their boards in the shed on the beach- Deeks was there so often that he actually rented out a place to store his two surfboards.

Kensi slipped her wetsuit back on in a split second, as Deeks continued to trail behind.

"I'll race ya," she said, laughing as she ran towards the water, her surfboard tucked up under her arm.

"Hey!" Deeks called out as he tied Monty's leash to a beach chair. He slipped his suit on in half a second, grabbed his board and ran after her.

Kensi was already paddling out, but Deeks was swimming faster than her and caught up in no time.

A wave was coming, and Deeks had apparently taught Kensi well, as she immediately pushed herself up on the board.

There wasn't enough room for both of them to surf, so Deeks just sat on his surfboard and watched Kensi go for it. She crouched down, reaching both arms out to steady herself.

Deeks had always fancied himself a surfer girl, and in that moment Kensi easily fit the mold. But, in addition to that, she was his badass partner who knew how to wield a gun. She was the perfect combination of every quality he wanted in a girlfriend, as she could still go to the beach with him and tear at his heartstrings.

"Wow," he whispered.

Kensi looked over to Deeks, secretly wondering if he was watching. He was, of course, with his mouth gaping open.

He distracted her just enough and Kensi lost her balance, slipping off the surfboard and into the water.

"Shit," he cursed quietly, laying down and paddling over to Kensi.

The wave crashed down on top of her, and he saw her head pop up to the surface, and then go back under.

Slowly the water began to smooth out, and Deeks sat up, grabbed Kensi's arm, and pulled her halfway up onto his board. She was out of breath, leaning with one arm on the edge of it, her legs still in the water.

"See Deeks," she said breathlessly. "I told you I could surf."

He threw his head up in the air, laughing.

"Yeah Fern. You can surf."

Kensi's board floated over towards them, and Deeks reached out and grabbed it with one foot.

She rested for a moment, then pulled herself up onto Deeks' board until she was sitting right across from him, one foot dangling over each side.

They stared at each other for a good thirty seconds, neither of them daring to say a single word.

"Hey!" Some random guy shouted from around fifty yards away. "Get out of the surf zone, lovebirds!"

Kensi blushed and hopped off of Deeks' board, swimming around the other side to her own.

"Right! Sorry!" Deeks hollered, waving back as he waited for Kensi, not bothering to address the 'lovebirds' reference.

What was he supposed to do? Yell back across the water, _"No, we aren't lovebirds, she is my partner! Well, actually I am in love with her, but just haven't plucked up the courage to tell her yet. So yeah- have a nice day!"_

No. Certainly not.

The pink, orange, and red sunset was slowly dawning upon them. The sun drowned in the horizon, it's rays of light glimmering as the bright blue color of the sky slowly faded and the pale moon peered at them from behind the stars.

Kensi wanted to stay there with him, forever. Watching the sun drop into the depths of the water, just the two of them.

But they couldn't stay.

"I guess we should probably head back," Kensi said regrettably, the words escaping her lips with a bitter tone.

"Yeah, probably," Deeks replied, glancing back towards the beach at Monty, who laid happily on one of their beach towels, panting away as he watched his owner in the distance.

They both began to paddle back towards the shore, before that annoying surfer yelled at them again.

When they reached the beach, Kensi walked back and peeled off her wetsuit, collapsing back onto her towel. She hadn't realized how exhausted she was until she got to lie down. Her legs felt like Jell-O, and she didn't want to move.

Deeks was working around her, carrying both of his boards back to the shed without a second thought.

Kensi watched him walk away from her, one surfboard under each arm like they were easy to carry- which they weren't.

Her heart fluttered as she thought about what came next: the goodbye. Sure, it was only for a day- but should she say something? Would he say something?

She loved him, and that was a fact. Actually, saying that she was in love with him was probably a more honest way to put it.

Deeks walked back over, interrupting her thoughts.

"You ready?"

"Yup," she said, gathering her beach bag and wetsuit.

Kensi wasn't really sure if what she had just said was at all truthful. She wasn't ready- and she definitely didn't want to go.

* * *

"Well, I guess you were right Fern. It turned out to be a pretty perfect day," Deeks said with a crooked smile on his face.

He stood on the porch of Kensi's house. Deeks had driven her back home, as they'd come together in his car- and it was time for an awkward goodbye.

Kensi felt as if she had just been on a first date with Deeks. A wonderful, perfect, magical first date.

Realistically though, Kensi had been dating Deeks for the past three years. They'd spent every single together, through the good, the bad, and the ugly, and she knew him better than just about anyone. Kensi understood his quirks, his mannerisms, and every possible characteristic that you might possibly need to know about a person.

In the beginning of their relationship, she had this feeling that he was one of those annoyingly perfect guys, who rarely tripped up or said the wrong thing. The more she got to know him though, the more she learned that he wasn't perfect- he was actually far from it.

And she loved him even more because of it.

Deeks looked down to the ground, then back up to her, waiting for a response to his sweet little sentence.

"Yeah. It did," she replied, a slight pause in between the two short sentences.

Kensi wanted to kiss him so damn badly.

Deeks shifted his weight from foot to foot, looking down at his black flip flops. He suddenly felt like a high school student after the senior prom, wondering whether or not he should kiss his date goodnight.

"So, I'll see you Monday?" He asked, reciting the same line he had said the night before.

"Sounds good." She said with a smile and a nod.

_No. It doesn't sound good. Ugh._

He turned to walk away, and Kensi reached one hand out into the air, quickly pulling it back before he could see it.

"Um, Deeks?"

He spun back around in one fluid motion- he was obviously hoping that she would have something more to say to him.

Kensi swallowed hard, silencing the words that wanted to bubble out.

_Let him say it first. Not you. Just… wait._

"Well, goodnight."

Deeks looked rather disappointed, but he shouldn't have expected anything more than a few meaningless words.

"Goodnight Kensi."


	5. Collateral Damage

**You guys are too nice to me! Thank you for all the reviews and PMs- it means a lot. So… this chapter may be a bit surprising. Enjoy. =)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

"Ugh!"

Kensi closed the door and stomped back inside her house, collapsing onto the couch. The way Deeks had turned around and looked at her, Kensi just knew that he was reaching for something. He was reaching for her to tell him how she felt, and she couldn't blame him- it was long overdue.

She hung on every single word that Deeks said, dissecting them until there was nothing left for her to hold on to.

That was how everything went with them. They played a game- who is going to cave first? Who is going to finally get the nerve to stand before their partner and tell them the truth?

_Why. Why the hell didn't I tell him? _

She ran a hand through her hair, shaking it a bit before burying her head in her hands.

_Because, he said he was going to tell me something when the time was right. _

A heart stopping thought popped into her head.

_Maybe what he wanted to tell me last night had nothing to do with his feelings for me. Maybe it's something totally different._

"No," she said aloud. "There's no way."

"He loves me," she whispered. "He has to."

* * *

Deeks drove back to his apartment rather aggressively, running one or maybe even two red lights.

He walked slowly back inside his house, letting Monty off his leash and slamming the front door shut, sinking down to the floor right in front of it.

"Hey Monty, why is Kensi so damn confusing?"

The pup walked over in front of Deeks, sitting down and cocking his head to one side.

Deeks shook his head and rubbed his eyes.

"I am talking to my dog. I have officially gone mad… and now I am talking to myself."

_I guess I really do need a girlfriend._

Kensi was the only person he'd ever met that made him act like, well, _that. _Somehow, she was able to make the man of a million words speechless, and turn him into a babbling idiot.

She was silly, funny, smart, giggly, salacious, sincere, and serious when she needed to be. And that was why he loved her.

Deeks got up from where he sat on the floor and wandered into the kitchen, grabbing an ice-cold beer from the fridge. He desperately needed it.

* * *

Kensi spent the majority of her Sunday taking her anger out on a boxing bag.

The situation with Deeks was tearing her up inside, and she found no better way to calm her nerves than punching a giant bag inside a gym.

When Monday morning rolled around, Kensi was up at the crack of dawn, and had never been so happy to get to work in her entire life.

She wanted to see Deeks- desperately. To tease him and toy with him and joke around like they always did. It seemed crazy how insanely much Kensi had grown to miss him in just one day, but she couldn't help it.

It came as no surprise that she was the first one to her desk early that morning, so she began doing paperwork immediately, trying her best to find something that would make the time pass.

Her heart leapt into her throat when she saw Deeks- he was the next one there.

Maybe he'd had the same idea as her? She would actually never know.

He was glowing and tan after their beach day, and it was rather distracting.

"Hey Kens," he said, a crooked smile gracing his face.

"Hey."

Kensi was trying her very best not to let her nervousness shine through, but she wasn't really succeeding.

"I had fun on Saturday."

Deeks smile was infectious, and Kensi couldn't help but grin back.

"Same."

They just sort of looked at each other until Callen came in seconds later, wearing a stupid smile. Kensi had almost forgotten about their awkward encounter at the grocery store, and her cheeks turned a bright shade of pink as she remembered.

She wished she hadn't.

"You guys carpool?" Callen asked, pointing back and forth between the two of them as he sat down in his chair.

"No!" They both exclaimed in unison, way too defensive for him to believe that they were actually telling the truth.

Callen nodded skeptically. "How was surfing?"

"Good," Kensi said simply, not bothering to look up from her paperwork. She didn't need to feed into that conversation, as she was sure Deeks would for her- and she was right.

"Great," Deeks added, his face still holding a crooked smile.

Kensi glanced up and shot him a glare. The day had been great- terrific actually. But Callen didn't need to know any of that.

Sam walked in, oblivious to the awkward conversation that had just concluded.

"Morning."

Deeks didn't need both Sam and Callen ganging up on him, so he made a quick run for it.

"I left my cell phone in my car- I'll be right back."

Deeks jumped up from his chair and began walking towards the exit. Callen slowly stood up to follow him, and Kensi was too interested in her paperwork to notice.

"Hey," Callen whispered, tapping Deeks' shoulder.

He was taken aback, as Callen didn't even wait for him to turn around, and just walked around in front of him.

"You should tell her, Deeks. And you should do it soon."

Deeks looked flabbergasted, but a smile was still tugging at the corners of his mouth. He certainly hadn't expected a conversation of _that _nature for their Monday morning chat, which usually consisted of the entire team teasing him for his surfing addiction, or something to do with his intense love of fish tacos.

"Tell who what, exactly?" He asked nonchalantly, sticking his hands in his pockets.

Callen rolled his eyes, and gestured towards Kensi who was still concentrating on paperwork at her desk.

"Really dude? Stop pretending like we don't all know you love her. It's getting ridiculous."

_Love. _The word replayed over and over again in Deeks' head. He had expected Callen to say that he knew Deeks had _feelings _for Kensi, but not outright love. It was true though; he did love her. He loved her with every fiber of his being.

Deeks just grinned shyly, shaking his head.

"I don't really, um, know what to-"

Callen's expression was steadfast as he cut Deeks off midsentence.

"You do know what to say. Maybe you aren't exactly sure of how to say it, but you know what to say."

What was the point in trying to deny it anymore? He looked at the ground, drawing circles in the cement floor with his left shoe.

"Okay, yeah. I know what I need to say. But what if she doesn't feel the same way?" He looked back up, raising his eyebrows. "She's my partner- that would be bad, to put it lightly."

Callen didn't even bother to hesitate. "She feels the same way."

Deeks furrowed his brow. "How do you-"

"Did you even see the way she was looking at you in the store the other day? Trust me: she feels the same way."

Deeks laughed in a very _Deeks _way, shaking his head and looking up over his shoulder.

"You really have our entire relationship figured out, don't you?"

"I'm just a very good observer, Deeks." Callen said, shrugging, his voice taking on a more serious tone.

"You can't expect her to keep everything bottled up inside forever, can you?"

He looked at him for a moment before turning to the side and looking for his partner. "No, I can't."

Callen nodded with a grin, and began walking towards the staircase.

"Now just don't screw it up."

Deeks chuckled quietly, looking down to his feet.

They both had so much to loose- Deeks wouldn't screw it up. He _couldn't _screw it up.

Or at least he'd try not to.

Deeks went outside to get his cell phone, which he actually _had_ left in his car. He took a deep breath and sat down in the drivers seat, going over how he was going to tell Kensi.

Callen was right- he needed to do it. And it needed to be soon.

He wouldn't do it at work- that was a big _no_. Most likely he'd ask her to dinner or take her back to the beach, and then he'd tell her how much he loved her, and that he couldn't live without her. He'd tell her the truth.

After about five minutes of deliberation, he stepped out of his car and shut the door, feeling rather decisive.

Deeks walked back in only to look directly at Kensi's desk, but she was gone.

He glanced around the room, and found a shocked Kensi slowly walking away from Hetty's office.

He could spot the tears welling up in her eyes. Just like him, Kensi didn't cry- so that fact alone was alarming.

"Kens?"

She swiftly walked past him without a single word or any sort of an explanation, and made her way out towards the parking lot. She waved one hand up in the air and towards the exit, motioning for him to come after her.

He turned around to follow her, his eyes darting behind him to Hetty and then forward again to Kensi. She threw the door open with force and stepped outside, running one hand through her wavy brown hair.

"Kens- what the hell is going on?"

She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself.

"I'm going undercover… on a navy ship," she said through a clenched jaw.

Deeks swallowed hard. That was the worst kind of undercover. It was the most dangerous, the longest, and the farthest away from him.

He tried to shake the unsettling feeling that came over him, but the more he tried the worse it became. His face turned pale and his skin felt cold and clammy.

"How is that even possible? We don't work cases like that!"

She shook her head, pacing back and forth in the hot sun.

"There is a smuggling ring that I am supposed to bust."

"Smuggling? Like human trafficking?! That isn't really our job either-"

"Drugs," she said, pausing to look at him. "Lots and lots and lots of drugs."

"On navy ships?"

"According to Hetty, yes." She stopped to rub her temples and look down at the ground.

"Some sailors are being paid to smuggle drugs onboard the ship and into the cargo load. It's a small patrol ship, so it shouldn't be too difficult to catch the guys. I am supposed to infiltrate the sailors, and find the supplier. Then I can go home."

At that point, Deeks was pissed off. Not at anyone in particular, just at the situation.

"How long will that take?" He asked as an angry frown creased his forehead.

She just shook her head and shrugged as the true reality of what she was doing dawned on her.

"I have no way of knowing. A few weeks, at the very least."

A sickening feeling came over her, and more tears flooded into her eyes. She looked up to the sky, and then back down to Deeks, who was rather tearful himself.

"I leave tomorrow," she added, her voice lowered to a shaky whisper.

Under different circumstances, Kensi really wouldn't have minded leaving. But suddenly, everything with Deeks was finally straightening out, and the last thing she wanted to do was depart right in the middle of it.

If she was gone for too long, she thought he might forget about the perfect Saturday that they had just spent together. About how it felt when they touched, even if it was just for a moment. About the feelings they both felt when they were together- feelings that she had never experienced in her entire life.

Kensi's breaths were staggered and she continued to shake her head.

"I don't want to go," she said, trying her best to reject the sadness that was slowly consuming her. "I really, really don't want to go."

Deeks looked to the ground. "I don't want you to go either."

More tears began to flow, and suddenly Kensi couldn't hold them in any longer. She walked up to Deeks quickly, wrapping her arms around his neck and enclosing him in a tight hug.

He closed his eyes, wrapping one arm around her back and the other behind her head, his grip firm and unwavering.

"It'll be okay, Kens. I promise."

Deeks knew that he probably shouldn't be making a vow of that nature to her, but he really had no other option. She was leaving, and he couldn't help it.

He hoped she knew that he would always be there, waiting for her until she returned- because he would be.

Each day without Kensi would be awful, and he just knew it. He would sit around, waiting for the moment that she would come home to him.

Deeks held tight to Kensi until eventually she pulled away- but only slightly.

He wanted to tell her he loved her, and that everything would be alright. But once again, it wasn't the right time, and he didn't want Kensi to silence him just as she had the night before, because frankly he didn't know if he'd be able to handle it.

"Thank you Deeks," she mumbled, her face just inches from his. He pulled her back into a hug, her head resting on his chest and her hands wrapped tightly around his back.

"I'm sorry," she added, but it just sounded like a breathy whisper, as her voice was muffled by Deeks' shirt and her own flooding tears.

He didn't hear her, and Kensi didn't really want him to- because then she would have to explain what she was actually sorry for.

She was sorry that she had silenced him on Friday night, and that she hadn't kissed him yet. She was sorry that her nails were fiercely digging into his tee shirt, and that she was making him cry.

But more than anything, Kensi was sorry that she was leaving him.

* * *

**Please leave me your thoughts below! =)**


	6. Still

**Wow! The response from last chapter was crazy- thanks so much! You guys are amazing! **

**Get your tissue boxes ready- I actually cried while writing this. Seriously. =)**

**Please review as always!**

**-Hazel**

* * *

Neither Deeks nor Kensi slept a wink that night.

The rest of the team was called up into ops and informed of her mission later on Monday afternoon, and it seemed pretty routine to all of them. Well, to everyone except Callen and Deeks.

Deeks was upset for obvious reasons, and Callen was upset because he knew how madly in love Kensi and Deeks were, and that neither of them had told the other one. It was just an awful situation for the both of them, one that couldn't be avoided or prepared for.

Kensi got out of bed early the next morning after a night of little or no sleep, just constant tossing and turning.

Every time she almost fell asleep from overwhelming exhaustion, she was awoken by the strong pounding of her heart hammering against the shell of her body. It was fierce, quick, uneven, and wouldn't calm or go away.

Finally, when she fell asleep for a split second, Kensi was thrust into a nightmare. One where she was across the deep blue sea, hundreds of miles from Deeks. He was in California without her, at the beach with some blond suffer girl- moving on. Realizing that maybe Kensi wasn't all that great after all, and that he could live without her.

It was all a load of fabrications that Kensi had conjured up in her head, but it scared her nonetheless.

Those dreams were the worst kind, because they were the things that frightened Kensi the most. She wasn't afraid of gunshots or drug dealers, grenades or murderers.

No- she was scared of being left alone. Deserted. Forgotten. It had been her greatest fear since she was young, and somehow had never bothered to leave her.

Throughout her entire life, all the men that Kensi had ever gotten close to had left. Some departed on their own accord, and others left because they didn't have a choice.

Still, it was a terrifying thought that lurched her from a sleeping state and left her breathless and in a cold sweat, lying in a sea of blankets.

Eventually, Kensi pulled herself out of bed and into the shower. She threw on clothes and pulled her hair into a ponytail, only to remember that she was going undercover as a navy sailor. No ponytails- only buns. She slicked her hair back into a low ballerina bun, trying to get into character.

Somehow, it only made things harder. She would have to pretend to be someone else for weeks, maybe even months. She would have a different name, a different smile, and a different personality.

But worst of all- a different partner. Well, she wouldn't actually have another partner on the ship, but she still wouldn't have Deeks- and that was enough to make her upset.

She threw on jeans and a tee shirt, knowing that when she got to OSP Hetty would immediately be sending her into the wardrobe department to change into her military uniform.

Kensi hopped in her car and stopped by her favorite coffee shop to grab a donut and latte, treating herself, as she knew it would be awhile before she got to go back there again.

She drove slower than usual, dreading all the goodbyes that she would have to give out that day. Her world seemed as if it were tilting underneath her, like everything she drove by on her usual route to work wasn't real. As if it was all going to disappear at a moments notice.

When Kensi finally reached the office she stepped out of the car slowly, studying the building from the outside. The old-school architecture it wore on the exterior didn't even compare to the exquisite Spanish style design that the building boasted on the inside.

It housed some of her greatest and worst memories, and she was quite sad to leave it. That place was like her second home- and she couldn't imagine being away from it for so long.

_Now I'm getting sentimental. Shit._

Kensi knew that couldn't be a good sign for what was to come.

She walked through the front doors and into the bullpen, finding a rather sullen Deeks at his desk, tapping a pen and staring off at nothing, obviously deep in thought.

"Morning," she said with a sad smile, moving slowly over to her desk, which was cluttered with papers, as usual.

"Oh! Hey! Morning!" He replied, sitting up quickly and adjusting his tee shirt.

There was a silence that fell over them, and once Kensi was seated she looked up to her partner.

"Thanks for yesterday, Deeks." She said, slightly awkwardly. "I really appreciate it."

Rather than making some quick chirp about how wonderful he was and how lucky Kensi was to have him, Deeks just smiled and nodded.

"No problem."

Finally, Deeks was maturing, and Kensi could tell. He still had his fun, playful, silly side that she knew all too well, but he also had a newer, more serious side that she loved. He could hold a deep conversation without cracking a joke, and make Kensi feel as if she was talking to an adult, not a six year old on a sugar rush.

Hetty walked up from around the corner, holding a clipboard in her hands.

"Ms. Blye," she said, her voice stone cold and professional. "Come with me, please."

Kensi nodded, reluctantly getting up from her desk and following Hetty over to the wardrobe department.

She handed Kensi a garment bag, one holding a freshly ironed navy uniform. She took it without a single word and began walking away into the changing area.

"Um, Ms. Blye?"

Kensi turned around slowly.

_What now?_

"Is everything alright?" Hetty asked, looking rather concerned.

She sighed, because everything wasn't alright.

_Nope. I am leaving my partner for a number of weeks, possibly even months to go on a ship with people that I don't know and don't care about, to do a job that I really shouldn't be doing in the first place. And I am in love with Deeks, but he doesn't know it yet and I'm not sure if I should tell him before I go. I think he may forget about me if I am gone for too long, and that is a terrifying thought. I am confused and annoyed and just a little bit scared for the future. So to answer your question- no, I am not fine. I am far from it._

But Kensi didn't say that. Instead, she just showed Hetty a strained smile and nod.

"Yeah. Just peachy."

* * *

Kensi was clad in her new military uniform as she walked out onto the airstrip. One lone plane was waiting for her, ready to be flown out to sea.

Eric, Nell, Sam, Callen and Deeks all followed Kensi down to the military base to say their goodbyes.

"I'm gonna miss you SO much Kens!" Nell said, tearing up just a bit as she leaned in and enclosed Kensi in a tight bear hug.

"You'll see me again soon, I'll be back before you know it." Kensi said, desperately hoping that her words were true.

A stiff "bye" was recited by Sam, Callen, and Eric, along with a few tight hugs and "be safe" comments.

She nodded at them, and looked around for Deeks. He was standing behind the crowd of his coworkers, hands in his pockets, his eyes beating into Kensi's the entire time.

Callen cleared his throat, and elbowed Sam lightly in the side. "We should, um, get going. We'll see you soon Kensi!"

They all smiled and waved, making their way off the airstrip and into their awaiting cars.

Callen nodded to Deeks with a somber expression, and he nodded back.

Kensi continued to just look at Deeks and she clenched her jaw, swallowing hard.

"So, I guess this is goodbye," she said, looking down to her feet and taking two slow steps closer to him.

"For a little while," he replied, his feet planted to the ground and his expression steadfast. He wasn't smiling, yet he wasn't frowning. His blue eyes were glossy with just the slightest hint of tearfulness, but he wasn't crying either.

Deeks was just waiting. His hands were together behind his back, and he stood up remarkably straight. Maybe he should've been the one going undercover on a navy ship- he looked much more _military-ready_ than Kensi did.

She couldn't breathe normally, or even begin to think straight. She needed Deeks to know how much she needed him and that he wasn't something replaceable in her life.

Her feelings towards him were permanent, and a few weeks or months away from him wasn't going to change anything. The last thing she wanted to do was wait for him to speak, because she didn't know if he would tell her what she wanted to hear in time.

Basically, Kensi didn't want to think, she wanted to feel. So she just spoke.

"Look, Deeks. I know I always talk about saying things at the _right time, _and I don't know if this is the right time. I just know that I need to tell you something- and I have been thinking about it for a long time now. On Saturday everything was just so great and perfect and fun and easy and I want that, all the time. And I just… I love you Deeks. I love you so damn much. Now you may not feel the same way and if that is the case than this is gonna be pretty awkward, but you just need-"

Deeks dropped his tough stance and made his way over to her in a split second, grabbing her face and kissing her- powerfully. His hands found her back, then her shoulders, then the back of her neck, and he pulled her as close as he possibly could.

Kensi slid the backpack off her shoulder, allowing it to fall to the ground with a loud thud. She wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning in and letting any tension, anxiety or worry she felt before melt away, at least for a little while.

For Deeks, kissing Kensi was different than kissing anyone else in the world. It was magical. Ethereal. Invigorating and exhilarating, all at the same time. They were beginning something that would hopefully last a lifetime, and the significance of that moment wasn't lost on him.

After a long minute or so, Deeks finally released, pressing his forehead against hers.

"As long as I'm still breathing, I'll love you to death. No doubt in my mind."

She shut her eyes, letting silent tears streak down her cheeks. Unexpectedly, Kensi and Deeks' goodbye had just become so much more complicated.

"Promise?" She whispered.

His heart nearly ripped in two right there on the spot.

"I promise."

She came down off her tiptoes and leaned into his chest, leaving her head right there on his heart and desperately wishing that they had more time.

More time to say I love you, to go on long walks with Monty, to surf, to drink beers on the beach, to do everything together.

"I love you." Kensi repeated, knowing that it would be awhile before she'd be able to say it again.

Deeks sighed, taking in that perfectly bittersweet moment. "I love you too. Always have, always will."

They stood there for a minute until Kensi finally pulled back, clearing her throat and straightening her shirt.

The second she stepped away from him she regretted it, and was immediately missing the warmth that his body generated when it was pressed up against hers.

"I have to go."

She bit her lip and shook her head, looking down to her feet.

_Why is this so damn hard?_

She thought for a moment, remembering.

_Oh yeah, because I'm in love with him._

"Goodbye Kens," he said, kissing her forehead.

"Goodbye."

Kensi smiled, though it was a fake one. She turned around, grabbing her backpack and walking away towards the awaiting plane.

Deeks wanted to say something more. Tears welled up in his eyes and began rolling down his cheeks like rivulets.

"Kens- I love you!" Deeks hollered out one last time, his voice muffled by the roaring sound of the plane engine.

Kensi turned around on the ramp, letting Deeks see her sweet smile one last time, though it was forced.

"I love you too!"

Deeks could barely hear the words that escaped her lips, but he could read what she was trying to say. He took a deep breath, smiled and waved.

The situation really couldn't get any more difficult, and Deeks just needed to remember that everything happened for a reason- it was the only thing that had kept him going over the years.

Kensi walked three steps farther away from him, until she disappeared inside of the plane. The ramp was slowly raised and latched shut with a resounding thump.

Suddenly, everything just felt so final. He knew she would be coming home to him eventually, but that seemed much too far away. The minute she was out of his sight, Deeks suddenly missed her terribly.

He remained planted to the ground, even after Kensi's plane took off. He watched it fly up and away, until it was hidden behind the dark clouds that were moving in and disappeared entirely from his line of sight.

"Dammit," he muttered to himself. "She's gone."


	7. Restless

**What an incredible response to the last chapter! I really can't thank you guys enough, it is unreal to read all the unbelievably amazing things that you guys write, and I am blown away! I have been trying my best to respond to all the reviews, so check your inbox as well. =)**

**I have gotten quite a few messages that say, "Tell me what happens next! Where are you going with this?" **

**All I will say is that the story will get rather 'heart pounding' in a couple chapters. ;)**

**Please review as always!**

**-Hazel**

* * *

Deeks took a deep breath, finally deciding after a few minutes that he would leave. Standing alone on an eerily quiet and empty airstrip was just… depressing.

He slowly walked away and sat down in his car, beginning to drive home. Quickly though he realized that he still had a full day ahead of him at work, and spun his wheel the other direction, making a U turn that was most likely illegal.

He had this strange pain inside of his chest, and he wasn't entirely sure why. Deeks was caught in the balance of extreme despair and extreme happiness, and still trying to figure out how that could be.

Sometimes, that is how you feel when you're sort of _afraid_ to love someone. You're afraid of the consequences; afraid of what might happen when you put yourself out there like that.

Though the action itself doesn't seem like that large of a step, telling someone that you are in love with them takes courage. It takes bravery. It means fully accepting the drawbacks that can come along with the admission, if the person doesn't feel the same way.

Luckily Kensi had felt the same way- she'd told him first, even. It was still terribly difficult though, since directly after their admissions to one another Kensi had to leave.

And it hurt. It hurt because it mattered.

He walked inside of OSP to find that all the desks in the bullpen were empty, so instead he went upstairs to ops. Upon entering, Deeks was greeted by an array of sullen smiles and gloomy expressions.

"Hey." Deeks put his hands in his pockets and grinned a fake, toothless smile.

"How'd it go?" Nell asked, with a strange tone in her voice.

Deeks furrowed his brow and crossed his arms. She was acting quite peculiar- but on second glance he noticed how odd everyone was acting. They had all been staring at Deeks when he walked in, and there was no reason for them to all be up in the ops center, as they weren't currently working a case.

"What do you mean?"

Nell's eyes darted to Callen as her cheeks reddened.

Deeks laughed and looked over to Callen, suddenly realizing what the giant elephant in the room was.

"You told them? _Everyone?_"

Callen shrugged. "It was bound to come out eventually."

Obviously he had told all of their coworkers (minus Hetty) about the little conversation that the two of them had the day before. Deeks didn't care, as Callen was right- it was bound to come out eventually. On the other hand though, he wasn't sure that if Kensi was there she would feel the same way.

Deeks wondered if ops was the best place for them to all have that conversation- Hetty was always watching. He had an unexpected second thought; could Hetty have seen them out on the military base? She had constant eyes and ears on everything, and it wasn't very easy to do something on a military-run facility that wasn't caught on camera.

"So… did you tell her?" Nell asked, snapping Deeks out of his thoughts. She was obviously dying to know, as her best friend was gone and she couldn't get the inside-scoop from anyone else.

Deeks smiled shyly, thinking back to the bittersweet memory and looking down to the ground.

"Yeah. I did."

Nell clasped her hands over her mouth, overjoyed. Eric looked dumbfounded; and Sam looked like, well, _Sam. _Not showing too much emotion about the whole situation, but still smiling just a wink.

"Congrats dude!" Eric exclaimed, walking two steps over to pat Deeks on the arm. "It took you long enough. Shouldn't you have told her, like, two years ago?"

Nell, Callen, Sam, and Deeks all shot Eric a rather fear-provoking glare, and he cowered back immediately.

"Sorry. I-I'll just-" He pointed back towards his desk and sat down, typing immediately, most likely for no reason.

Deeks chuckled and turned his attention back to Callen, Sam and Nell, who all looked rather amused as well.

"…And?" Nell asked, sticking her head out towards Deeks as if she was expecting him to say something more.

"And what?"

Nell rolled her eyes. "And… what the hell did she say? What did you say? How did you say it?"

Deeks grinned. "Oh, right. Um, do you guys wanna grab drinks or something after work today? We may not want to discuss this… here."

Nell nodded enthusiastically, and Callen and Sam agreed.

* * *

The small corner booth in the little Mexican restaurant on Pacific Boulevard that Nell, Eric, Sam and Deeks were dining at felt particularly empty for Deeks that evening.

The minute they were seated, Nell dived straight into her never-ending stream of questions.

"So… tell me! Tell me! What happened? What did Kensi say when you told her? Did she freak out, or was she like _oh yeah I love you too._"

The entire table looked concerned for Nell's mental state. Sam rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, obviously feeling much too manly for their gossipy conversation.

Deeks knew Nell was desperate for details, so he spilled. "Well… I was planning on telling her, but she kinda jumped in and told me first."

Nell was shocked, as the scenario Deeks had described definitely didn't sound like the Kensi she knew.

"Oh! Really? What did she say?!"

Deeks tried to recall Kensi's exact words, but the only part that he could remember was the only part that actually mattered.

He got a cocky smile across his face and jokingly crossed his arms.

"She said that she loved me. Then she said she loved me _so damn much."_

There was a short silence at the table as everyone digested Deeks' words. For Callen and Sam, they were talking about their little sister. Their tough, badass,_ I-will-never-stop-teasing-Deeks _baby sister.

And apparently, that girl had just professed her undying love to her partner. It was weird.

Nell still didn't look satisfied by Deeks' answer. "What did you say after that?"

Deeks laughed. "Well, I, um, kissed her…" he said, looking up to Sam and Callen sheepishly, desperately hoping they wouldn't shoot him.

They looked cool, calm and collected. It wasn't like they hadn't expected them to get together. Just as Callen had said the day before- it wasn't like anyone didn't know how madly in love Deeks was with Kensi.

Her feelings were the only ones that weren't quite as apparent, but they all knew that, eventually, they would end up as more than just partners. It was bound to happen.

"And? You said what?" Nell grinned, fishing for more.

Deeks took a deep breath, recalling the exact words that he had said to Kensi. The ones that had been replaying over and over again in his head all day. He wasn't going to make it that easy for Nell though, and just tell her straight up. That wasn't the _Deeks _way.

"I don't know Nell… I said something sweet and heartfelt. Like I always do."

Nell and Eric glared, while Callen and Sam rolled their eyes.

"Just tell the poor girl what you told Kensi," Eric exclaimed, chiming in for the first time and gesturing across the table to a desperate Nell.

Deeks smiled and put his hands up, buckling under the pressure.

"Okay, okay. Take it easy," he said, clearing his throat.

"I told her… as long as I am still breathing, I'll love you to death. And then she asked me to promise her that, and I did."

The entire table was struck into silence by the sincerity of Deeks' words. The vibe had just become much more serious, as Callen and Sam both listened intently, their mouths gaping open.

What Deeks was saying just didn't sound like the Kensi they knew. She sounded vulnerable and heartfelt, asking Deeks to promise that he wasn't going to leave her. Making sure that he was going to be there for her when she returned.

The Kensi they knew didn't wear her heart on her sleeve. She was quiet and reserved and just a bit stubborn at times, but she wasn't like _that, _and it was shocking to learn that Deeks had that kind of an affect on her.

"You've really got a hold on her man," Sam said, shaking his head. "You better not screw this up."

Deeks sat up straight, grinning a crooked smile that only a conversation focused on Kensi could provoke.

"I won't."

"Seriously though," Callen chimed in. "Don't break that promise. You just can't."

He stared at Deeks intently. "If you don't, you'll break _her. _And I won't let that happen."

Deeks nodded, the smile gone from his face. "I get it. I won't leave her… I don't think I ever could, even if I wanted to. The hold-" he said, putting the word in finger quotes, "-it doesn't just go one way."

It was entirely true- Kensi really did have a hold on Deeks. Now that they'd finally crossed that line, he would never go back. He couldn't.

Kensi had spilled her heart to Deeks, without holding anything back, and he'd done the exact same. They were different people because of it, changed by the power of those three little words, or six, in their case. They didn't just love one another, they were _in love_ with one another, and there was a difference.

Loving someone means that you care about them more than yourself. But when you're in love with someone, you have those same feelings, plus so much more. There is this bizarre balance put into the entire relationship that makes it slightly more dangerous and treacherous, as well as undoubtedly remarkable.

Instead of just loving someone more than yourself, you count them as you _would _yourself. They're a sort of better, shinier part of you that could be cut from you a thousand different ways, but you'd never do that because you know how much stronger you are as a united force.

Deeks was staring at the table, and he managed to accidentally verbalize some of his thoughts.

"She's just… perfect."

Callen chuckled. "Kensi- perfect? I think you have the wrong person in mind."

Deeks shot him a dark look, and he cowered back immediately. Callen had been joking around, and he did have a point- nobody is perfect, especially not them.

"I just meant that she isn't exactly perfect- none of us are."

Deeks sighed. "I know. But she is perfect for me, and that's all that matters."

It was entirely true: Kensi's flaws somehow made her even more perfect in Deeks' mind. The way her cheeks reddened when he flirted with her, or how he was so effortlessly able to distract her. It made her loveable.

Nell giggled at his confession; giddy like a schoolgirl. She was thrilled that her best friend was finally with the guy of her dreams. Kensi had confessed to Nell in the past that she had feelings for Deeks- but only after a night of a few two many cocktails.

Under normal circumstances, Kensi seemed to have a hard time admitting that she loved Deeks. It was just… challenging. It wasn't typical for her to wear her heart on her sleeve- with anyone, even a close friend.

"Well, I am happy for you. Cheers to Kensi and Deeks!"

"Cheers!"

That was the resounding response from the entire table- even Sam and Callen, who were thrilled that Kensi had finally found someone that she loved. They were even happier that it was Deeks- because him acting jealous was not something that they wanted to deal with on a regular basis.

Everything felt so ridiculously surreal. Deeks was sitting at a table with his coworkers, talking to them about how much he loved Kensi, who wasn't there. He was voicing his feelings about someone who for years he had _sworn _was no more than just a good friend.

The problem with that was as follows: _just friends _don't look at each other the way they did.

After clinking glasses with everyone at the table, Deeks looked down to the empty seat cushion next to him. It felt so incredibly odd to not have Kensi at his side. Not to have her cracking jokes and making silly comments to keep them all amused and entertained.

That is how you know you love someone. When you can't experience anything without wishing the other person were there to see it too.


	8. Rushing it

**You are all so amazing- thank you so much for your support! I love you all SO much, and the reviews are just incredible- I love hearing what you have to say, and I try my best to respond to all of them. =)**

**I hope you all enjoy this chapter- we begin to delve into Kensi's case. **

**Please review as always!**

**-Hazel**

* * *

"You need to marry her, Deeks!" A very drunk Nell exclaimed suddenly, holding her glass up in the air to Deeks.

Deeks was the only out of the group who had managed to remain sober- he didn't really feel like drinking. He just wasn't in the mood.

"Whoa there Nell. I think we need to cut you off," Callen said, pulling the drink from Nell's hand and placing it gently back down on the table.

"What are you talking about? I am finnnnneeee!" She said dramatically, immediately picking her glass up again. "But seriously Deeks- I mean it."

He chuckled, running one hand through his hair. "I think that is the definition of _rushing it_, Nell."

She rolled her eyes. "What are you _talking _about?! You two have been dating for like three years, stupid."

Nell picked up her drink, taking one long-winded last sip out of the glass.

Callen grabbed the empty cup and handed it to a waitress who was walking past them.

"Okay, yup. Definitely cutting you off now."

Deeks took a long sip of his beer, contemplating Nell's drunken rambles. It was a bit ridiculous, thinking they would get married after kissing each other _once. _Yes, they had said they were madly in love with one another- that was a given. But still, they had kissed _one time._ Only one time that was real, anyway. Not for an undercover op.

He decided to voice his thoughts. "Maybe you're right Nell, we have been dating for a long time. But I have kissed her once. And it was this morning." He took another sip of his beer, his eyes growing wide as he thought about what she was saying.

"Wait-" He set down his glass and shot her a suspicious look. "-where is all this coming from?"

He was sure that Kensi had talked to Nell about their relationship at some point; he just wasn't to what extent their conversation went. Maybe he would be able to get drunk Nell to divulge some secrets to him?

Nell looked a tad bit alarmed, as if she knew she had said something that she shouldn't have.

"Nowhere. It's coming from nowhere. I'm just messing with you."

Everyone at the table shot her a knowing look- she had obviously heard something from Kensi.

Eric raised his eyebrows. "Nell. Spill."

She stared at them all for a moment, before looking down to her hands and messing with her broken cuticles.

"I can't. It violates girl code."

They rolled their eyes.

"Seriously!"

"Just tell us!"

"Are you guys crazy? Kensi will kill me!" She stared at Deeks, shrugging. "She is your girlfriend, you should know that."

_Girlfriend. Girlfriend. Did Nell just say girlfriend?_

Hearing that word used to describe Kensi was almost too much to handle. It was incredible, though, because she really was. They obviously hadn't gotten the chance yet to discuss the proper terminology that should be used to describe their relationship, but still, it was the perfect choice.

_Geez. Kensi is my girlfriend. _

He snapped out of his thoughts and grinned at Nell. "Yes, she is my girlfriend. But she is your _best _friend, and sometimes girls tell other girls things that they would never tell their boyfriends. Especially when they're drunk. So I need to know, Nell-" He leaned in, placing his elbows on the table. "What the hell did she tell you?"

There was a long pause as everyone held their breath, waiting for Nell to speak.

"Okay, fine." Nell said finally, putting her hands up. She was drunk, so the repercussions for her words didn't seem like they could possibly be that severe.

"She just told me that she knew…" The last part of her sentence was entirely whispered, the words muffled by the loud music in the bar.

"What?" Everyone spoke in unison. At that point, even Sam was dying to know what Kensi told Nell.

She rolled her eyes. "She just said that she knew one day she would end up with Deeks."

Deeks grinned a crooked smile, looking down. It wasn't too surprising. Kensi was in love with him- but it still felt great to hear it aloud.

Callen wasn't convinced though. "What were her _exact _words, Nell?"

Deeks' head shot back up. That answer was good enough for him, but apparently nobody else believed that she was telling the full truth, judging by the looks she was receiving from everyone else around the table.

"Alright!"

Nell reached across the table, grabbing Eric's beer and swigging a sip before she spoke.

"Her exact words were_, someday I know I will marry Deeks."_

Deeks jaw almost dropped to the table in shock, his expression one of blank amazement.

Callen was stunned as well. "She said that?"

Deeks looked over to him, feigning annoyance. "Okay, ouch. I'll try not to take offense to that."

"I didn't mean it like that dude, but…" he turned his attention back to Nell. "Kensi seriously said that? Like, with her words?"

Nell cocked her head to one side, glaring at him. "No, she told me with her eyes. Yes- of course she said it with her words!"

"How long ago was that?" Eric asked, intrigued.

She thought for a moment. "I don't know… like a little over a year and a half ago, maybe?"

Deeks shook his head, laughing though he was absolutely floored. How could he have not known that? How could he have been so oblivious to Kensi's feelings for over a _year and a half? _

He'd had some sort of a 'gut feeling' that Kensi loved him, but she sure had an odd way of showing it. Deeks had to grasp and claw for every inch. It had taken her so long to let him in, and he hated that they had wasted so much time just dancing around the truth.

The truth was that they were both madly in love with one another, though they had funny ways of showing it. Sometimes things were difficult, as they tended to be one another's greatest adversary. It was what made their relationship so extraordinary- through the good and the bad, they never stopped loving one another.

They had seen more trouble and experienced more heartache in their three-year partnership than most normal couples did in a lifetime. Yet somehow, all the crazy things that they went through just made them stronger together.

That single, irrefutable fact was how Deeks knew that their love would last.

* * *

Deeks wandered into OPS the next morning, immediately walking over to the coffee machine. He had already ingested three cups of it, black with no sugar, and the day had barely even begun.

Waking up and knowing that Kensi wasn't at the office waiting for him made it rather difficult to convince his sleepy self that it was time to get out of bed.

As he sat at his desk, mindlessly sipping coffee and staring off at nothing, Callen walked in.

"Hey man," Callen said with a sad smile. There Deeks sat, looking gloomy and depressed as day one without Kensi began.

"Hey."

Callen sat down at his desk, picking up a stack of papers and patting them nicely until all the edges sat the same way.

"Have we heard anything from Kensi yet?" Deeks asked, his mind randomly switching gears to her whereabouts.

Callen shook his head, setting the papers back down on his desk neatly.

"Not yet. When she gets everything secured on the ship she should be able to video call us from her bunkroom. We still aren't sure yet."

Deeks nodded gloomily, as the way Callen put it definitely made it sound like there would be a lengthy time lapse before he got to see Kensi again.

Sam wandered in from around the corner, a yawn escaping his lips. They really had been out late the night before.

"Morning."

Callen and Deeks nodded at him, and replied with a sullen "morning." Once more Deeks' eyes drifted over to Kensi's empty desk, and he just stared at it for a lengthy moment.

"Dude," Sam said, waving his hand in the air and nodding towards Kensi's desk.

"She'll be back soon enough. Alright? Don't worry about her. Kensi's a big girl. She can take care of herself."

Callen shot him an _are-you-kidding-me-please-stop-talking_ look, while Deeks just nodded reluctantly.

"I know. It's just really… odd. She's not there and it's so… freaking weird."

"Yeah, I know," Callen replied, glancing over to Sam.

Deeks looked surprised. "You do?"

He turned his attention back over to Deeks. "Sam had to go undercover for six months one time, remember?"

Deeks chuckled and rolled his eyes, leaning back in his chair.

"But you're forgetting the most important part, Callen."

"And what is that?"

"You aren't in love with Sam. At least I hope you aren't, 'cause that would be weird."

Callen and Sam both laughed. "Yeah, I guess you've got a point."

Deeks chuckled along with them, and it felt nice to laugh- even if it was a bit strained.

Eric emerged at the top of the staircase, whistling at the highest possible decibel level to get their attention.

"Come along boys! We've got a case!"

They all began making their way up to ops, but Callen stopped Deeks for a split second as Sam went ahead and walked up the stairs.

"Hey- you may want to go a little easy with the whole _I'm in love with my partner _thing. I'm not sure of how much Hetty knows," he said, his voice lowered to a whisper.

"But I would expect a lot- she's like a ninja. The woman hears _everything."_

Deeks peered around Callen's shoulder, catching Hetty's stern gaze for a moment before he swiftly pulled his head back.

"Yeah. Right. Got it."

Callen, Sam and Deeks all stared at the large television monitor that was mounted to the wall, while Eric gave his presentation of the case.

"So- this new case actually ties into the undercover operation that Kensi is currently working."

Deeks could feel his heart pick up speed just a tad, but he was glad that he would be able to work Kensi's case along with her- if they did a good job, she might get to come home just that much sooner.

"Your jobs are to try and find which sailors are smuggling drugs onto the ship. So far, Nell and I have done extensive background checks on every single person working on that ship, and they have all come up clean."

Callen looked around the room, confused. "That doesn't make any sense though. Obviously someone is behind it all. How can we not have a suspect, yet we know there are drugs on the ship?"

Eric nodded to Nell.

"Well," she began, pulling up some stills from a surveillance camera on the ship. "This is from down in the cargo hold."

The image showed a room full of crates, and nothing else.

Deeks chimed in for the first time. "I don't get it, what are we looking at here?"

"So, we know that there are drugs on the ship only because we have found trace amounts of heroin when the ship was being cleaned out six months ago. This-" she said, pointing to the photo, "-is suspicious because the cameras show that there hasn't been any new activity down there in months. Which isn't possible, because the drugs have to come on and off the ship at some point."

Sam nodded, his arms crossed. "So you think that someone is messing with the surveillance cameras, making them replay the same taped video recording over and over again?"

"Exactly."

Eric pulled up a file on the big screen, dragging it over to the monitor. "We were able to trace the bugging of the cameras to an IP address, which belongs to this man- Omar Morales. He was the leader of a huge drug cartel, and we believe that he has men everywhere. Even in the navy, apparently."

Deeks looked annoyed for the first time. "Why the hell haven't we arrested him then?"

If they had him, then they could just interrogate the man into giving up the sailors. Kensi wouldn't need to be undercover.

"Because he is dead. And that is where all of our intel stops. We haven't traced any of the ships crew members back to him- none of them seem to have any relation to him whatsoever."

"So basically we are looking for a needle in a haystack," Deeks said, obviously exasperated as he gestured to the screen.

Eric shrugged. "Yeah. Pretty much."

There was a silence that came over everyone in the room. Callen finally patted Deeks on the shoulder and started to walk out of the room.

"Alright then. Let's get to work."


	9. Need to Know

**Thank you all so much for all the wonderful things that you have to say, I appreciate it so much. **

**Now, as the author of this chapter I am telling you: do not skip ahead to the end. Just don't do it. Don't let yourself see the last paragraph until you reach it- you'll wish you hadn't. I promise.**

**I have written it a certain way, and I don't want anything to be spoiled for you- my dear readers.**

**Please review as always. =)**

**-Hazel **

* * *

"Seriously guys. There is like nothing here."

Deeks sat at his desk downstairs with Sam and Callen , going through old file boxes. They were looking for some connection between a crew member on the ship and any form of drug trafficking- so far, they were coming up empty. The team had gone through every personnel file, and cross-referenced every solitary sheet of paper against all the others. Still, there was nothing.

"There has to be some tie, though!" Callen exclaimed, slamming a folder down on his desk. "The drugs aren't just disappearing and then reappearing."

Deeks leaned back in his chair, folding his hands behind his head. "How is Kensi going to find these guys anyways? I mean, if Nell and Eric can't find anything how are we supposed to?"

Callen shrugged. "She is gonna try to catch them in then act. That is why NCIS sent her to the ship, because so far nobody has been able to figure anything out from here."

Deeks swallowed hard, suddenly looking rather uneasy.

"That doesn't sound very safe."

Callen wasn't going to sugar coat it for him.

"It's not."

"Mr. Deeks?" Hetty approached Deeks' desk seemingly out of nowhere, and he spun around to face her in his swivel chair.

"May I have a word?"

He furrowed his brow and laughed to ease the mounting tension as he looked back and forth between Sam, Callen and Hetty.

"Um... Yeah! Sure!"

Deeks followed her back across the room and over to her office, slowly and anxiously trailing behind the tiny woman who could inflict so much fear into him. She held a superpower over him that not many people possessed.

"Please, have a seat."

Deeks eyed her suspiciously and cautiously sunk into the chair across from her, looking around nervously, as if Granger was going to jump out from around the corner at any moment.

They sat in silence for a split second, before Deeks began twiddling his thumbs nervously.

"So... What's goin' on?"

She smiled, taking her sweet time and pouring herself a cup of tea.

"May I get you a cup?"

He put one hand up, shaking his head.

"No, thank you. I'm all good. As I've said before, I prefer my tea bottled and vacuum-sealed in America." He was teasing, but immediately dropped his grin as Hetty stared up at him, her gaze staunch.

She took a sip of tea and then set the cup down rather quickly, deciding that she should probably put Deeks out of his misery.

"How are you doing? With your _partner_ gone, and all." The way she said partner sounded strange; as if her tone was insinuating something.

Deeks wasn't sure exactly where she was going with the conversation, but it didn't sound good.

"Fine, I guess."

_That was a ball faced lie. _

He eyed her suspiciously, tilting his head to one side. "What do you mean though?"

She took a deep breath, folding her hands on top of her desk.

"A friend of mine at the military base told me that you and Ms. Blye had a rather... interesting goodbye the other day. Care to share?"

Deeks eyes grew wide and he shifted his seat, suddenly exceedingly uncomfortable.

"I'm not quite sure what you want me to say, Hetty." Deeks replied, sitting up tall in his chair as he tried his very best to regain his confidence, which had left him for a fleeting moment. "You obviously know what happened."

She raised her eyebrows and leaned forward, suddenly rather confrontational.

"Do I really though, Mr. Deeks? I know that you kissed your partner, but that is all. Anything else you should inform me of?"

_Well... I am hopelessly in love with her, that's for sure. She is far away from me and it's making my job seem super boring and uninteresting. I am afraid for Kensi's safety, as I am learning more and more every day how bad these guys are that she is dealing with, and it freaks me out. I also don't know how we are ever going to find out which guys are smuggling the drugs, because they don't seem to exist. Oh, and I think you should send Kensi home, and let someone else work this case._

He didn't say that.

Deeks let out a deep breath that he hadn't even realized he was holding. "What do you want to know?"

She paused for a moment, staring at him with a staunch gaze. "Are you in love with her?"

_Well that conversation just took a weird turn._

He fidgeted in his seat, going through an entire chain of facial expressions before responding. Deeks smiled, laughed, raised his eyebrows, than began tracing the stubble across his upper lip with his pointer finger, a frown gracing his face.

"Is that really need to know information?"

"Yes," she replied immediately, not offering an explanation.

"Fine then. Um... Yeah. I am in love with her."

"Does Ms. Blye know that?"

_Okay- now she's just being nosy._

"Yes. She does."

They sat in silence for a moment. She raised her eyebrows.

"Well? What did she say?"

He grinned, yet was unsure if it was a good idea to inform her. This could go one of two ways- it could make things at work much easier for him when Kensi returned, or it could ruin his work relationship with his girlfriend.

He wasn't going to delve into what actually happened, which was that Kensi told Deeks that she loved him, and then he responded. So instead, he just gave her a simple answer.

"The feeling is... um... mutual."

Hetty's expression was difficult to read, but she slowly leaned back in her chair, and a smile stretched across her face.

"That's good to know Mr. Deeks. I was worried that I would have to find you a new partner. I'm so happy that isn't the case."

Deeks furrowed his brow. "What do you, um-"

She put up one hand, calming him immediately. "If Ms. Blye didn't feel the same way, things would be very strange in your partnership. Since that obviously isn't the case, you can continue to work together. As long as you both remain professional, that is."

He nodded enthusiastically; thrilled that he would be able to continue working with Kensi when she returned.

"So… is that all?"

She nodded, picking up her tea once more. "Yes."

He stood up to go, delicately pushing in the chair.

"Oh! One more thing!"

Deeks spun around, hoping it was good news. It needed to be good news.

"Uh-huh?"

"Your team has gone up to ops- we believe that Ms. Blye will be on a video chat this evening."

Deeks' face lit up as his features were saturated with happiness.

"Great! Thanks."

He ran up to the ops room, running through the automatic sliding doors. "Hey guys! What's up?"

They were all staring at Nell, who suddenly launched herself out of her desk chair, flying across the room and out the door.

Deeks looked rather concerned as his eyes followed her small figure out the door.

"What's up with her?" He asked, pointing his thumb out behind him.

Eric grinned. "I guess she can't really contain her massive hangover anymore. She's been trying so hard to not let it show..."

Deeks had almost forgotten about how drunk Nell had gotten the night before, after one (or two) too many cocktails with her coworkers.

His heart picked up speed as he remembered Nell's drunken rambles about how he needed to marry Kensi.

_Yup. It still feels good._

Nell wandered slowly back in, clutching her stomach and discretely wiping her chin with her shirtsleeve.

Deeks crossed his arms and stroked his chin. "I've never seen anyone _actually _look green before! You wear it quite well, I must say."

She shot him a glare, but there wasn't much force behind it.

"Ha-ha. Very funny."

She ran one hand through her hair, burying her head in her hands. "Ugh. What did you guys let me drink? I don't remember _anything_ from last night..."

Each person up in ops looked back and forth from Nell to Deeks.

He smirked at her, folding his arms across his chest. "So... you don't remember our little chat last night?"

Sam, Callen and Eric were all so close to busting out laughing; Callen literally had to bite his lip to hold in the chuckles that were ready to erupt.

Nell shot her head up and looked around to each person in the room, finally settling her gaze on Deeks.

"What... chat?" She asked cautiously.

Deeks chuckled and leaned up against the wall, his arms still folded.

"Oh, I don't know. The one where you said I should marry Kensi? Maybe that's the one I'm thinking of."

Her eyes grew wide and she swallowed hard. "I-I said that?"

Deeks looked quite pleased with himself. "Yup. You did."

"Shit." Nell cursed quietly under her breath.

"Just... forget about that." She tucked her head and moved back over to the desk chair, typing faster than she ever had before.

"Back to the case at hand. I think I can get Kensi on a video call now."

Deeks forgot about the night before all at once- he wanted to see Kensi. To ensure that she was secure and well, and that her feelings for him hadn't changed over night. He mainly just wanted to kiss her, but that obviously wasn't going to happen.

"How do you know when it's safe?"

Nell smiled, thrilled that she was able to change the subject so it wasn't focused on her.

"Once she sends me a coded text, I'll know that we are good to go, and we will log her on."

He nodded, and Nell heard a ping on her phone.

"Wow... good timing! She's on!"

Deeks' heart began pumping at an abnormal speed, anticipation and excitement flooding his mind.

_Kensi. Kensi. Kensi._

The screen began cackling with black and white dots, until Kensi's face appeared promptly on the screen.

She looked stunningly beautiful, as always- her hair was pulled back into a tight bun and she had already changed into an oversized sleep shirt for the night. Her gaze went directly to Deeks, letting her eyes beat into his without fault.

"Hi."

They pretended as if there wasn't anyone else in the room. In both of their minds, they were alone.

Deeks dug his hands into his pockets as a crooked smile spread across his face. "Hey Kens."

There was a short silence, and Callen looked across the room at Deeks with a smug smile as he continued to stare happily at Kensi, completely oblivious to his surroundings.

He walked around in front of the monitor so Kensi could see him. "Sorry to break up this little reunion, but we need to talk about the case."

Kensi visibly blushed through the camera, embarrassed by how easily Deeks was able to sidetrack her.

"Yeah. Right-sorry." She took a deep breath. "Look- I haven't found anything yet. I have been monitoring the cargo hold, and nobody has tried to access it yet. Have you gotten any intel on someone that I should be looking at more closely?"

Both Nell and Eric shook their heads sheepishly.

"No. We keep coming up empty."

Kensi looked obviously annoyed, and threw her hands up in the air. "Well what am I supposed to do then?"

Eric held up one finger in the air, motioning for Kensi to be quiet.

"What's wrong Eric?" She asked, looking around her own bunk room, then back to the camera.

"Wait... Something is happening. Stay on stand-by Nell. I might need you to shut it down." His fingers began typing in a furious frenzy.

Nell turned around in her chair. "Roger that- my signals are being blocked as well. Eric?"

"Kensi... Your camera feed is being tampered with," he said, his facial expression quickly becoming panicked.

"Her video feed is being hacked! Shut it down, Nell! Shut it down now!"

Nell typed swiftly, and the screen faded to black, but Kensi's nervous voice was still being heard across the room. "What's going on?"

Eric was too flustered to even respond. "Nell! Shut down the audio too!"

She threw one hand up in the air. "I'm trying! Whoever is hacking us is putting up firewalls- I can't break through them!"

Kensi's voice blared throughout the room yet they couldn't see her any longer. "Guys? What's wrong?"

The audio feed became mysteriously quiet, and you could've heard a pin drop in the room.

Deeks motioned for everyone to shush as he heard what sounded like a door creak open in Kensi's room.

"Hey! Wait- what are you- what's going on?! Stop! NO STOP!" Kensi's voice quickly became hushed and the same door that had been opened so slowly before was slammed shut- and there was just silence.

Deeks could literally feel his heart sink as her screams rang out throughout the room, and he reheard her panicked words over and over again- they were haunting.

Callen jetted out through the double doors. "I need to go talk to Hetty!"

Deeks didn't even know what to say or do, so he just yelled. "Eric- what the hell is going on?!"

He looked near tears. "I have no clue! Their technology was so sophisticated, and they broke through my firewalls, and-"

Deeks cut him off, pointing to the screen. "Did they get through? Was her cover just blown?!"

He was silent.

"Answer the damn question!"

Eric looked down to the ground. "Yeah. It was."

Deeks sucked in an unsteady deep breath- he knew exactly what that meant. It meant that Kensi was on a ship with a possible drug smuggler, with nowhere to run, and nowhere to hide. And from what they had just heard- it meant that Kensi was in very grave danger.

"Well we can't just stand here, doing nothing! We have to get to her! To make sure that she is alright?"

Nell turned around in her chair. "There is nothing we _can _do! Callen is gonna go talk to Hetty- she has to have some idea of what is going on."

After probably ten minutes of Deeks just sitting around and conjuring up every worst case scenario in his head, he popped his head up as he heard footsteps walk near him. Callen entered the room slowly, his face frozen with angst and terror.

"What the hell is going on?!" Deeks was almost hysterical at that point.

Callen looked to the floor, shaking his head in disbelief.

"All of our firewalls were hacked, and they got Kensi's personnel file and all of her information and learned that she works for NCIS, and…"

He trailed off, not knowing exactly how to phrase the next half of his story.

"What happened?" Deeks asked, his voice only a mere whisper as he was paralyzed with fear for his partner.

Callen's eyes were wide with shock, but he continued on, finally raising his head to meet Deeks' gaze.

"...and they killed her."


	10. Broken

**Sorry for the huge cliffhanger last chapter, and please review as always! =)**

**(You guys are amazing.)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

_"...and they killed her."_

A resounding gasp was heard around the room.

Deeks couldn't breathe, he couldn't think. His heart tore a little, then it tore some more, then again, until it was practically in two. His legs wobbled, and he willed them to stay standing; begged them to not fall out from underneath him.

"Why?" was all he could muster, his voice a mere whisper.

Callen looked up to the ceiling, his hands weighing heavily in his pockets. "Granger called Hetty after they learned that there is a hostage situation on the ship. When they learned that Kensi was an agent… " He shook his head. "-they killed her and took the rest of the crew hostage."

It was no use trying to stand any longer. Deeks inhaled a deep sob and inaudible scream as he sunk to the floor and placed his head in his hands.

He heard a vague voice speaking in the distance. "I am so sorry Deeks."

He didn't care to respond or to even acknowledge that there was anyone else in the room. Instead, he just sat there, wallowing in a vat of his own self-pity. As he looked up after a moment, his vision was clouded by the tears that sat in his eyes, ready to spill over.

Nell was sobbing in her desk chair with Eric crouched down by her side, trying his very best to comfort her.

Sam was gone. Callen was leaned up against one wall of the room, his arms crossed and tears glistening in his eyes.

Deeks needed to get out of that room, away from anything that reminded him of Kensi. He stood up, spun around and ran out the two automatic doors without a single word.

He sprinted to his desk, just to grab his car keys. Unfortunately though, in order to do that Deeks had to walk by Kensi's desk. Just the sight of that cluttered piece of furniture made his heart sink. He grabbed his backpack and jetted out the front door.

"Mr. Deeks? Deeks!" Hetty was calling after him, but he didn't want to stop. He just couldn't do it.

When he reached his car, he jumped into the drivers seat and threw his car into reverse, knocking over a trashcan in the process. It wasn't like he cared.

He drove home robotically, and temporarily Deeks was hollowed out of all emotion like an empty shell.

When he reached his apartment though, it was a different story. He sunk to the floor; his head on his knees and a never-ending stream of tears rushing down his face.

Receiving the news about Kensi was worse than anything he had ever experienced. It wasn't anticipated or expected, and there was no way that he could've prepared himself for the huge, inexplicable damage that he took up in ops. It felt as if someone had just punched him in the face, and he was still reeling from the first blow.

_Why?_

That was all Deeks could think as he just sat and cried. His future wife was dead.

How the hell was she gone? Why exactly was she killed? Why was this happening to him, of all people?

Kensi kept him sane- and he had no clue how to even begin trying to live a life without her. She could take any awful situation and turn it around, finding the good in it.

His mother had died, and she'd found a way to make everything better. His mind flashed back to their perfect beach day, and he broke into nearly hysterical sobs.

_'At least we had that day,' _was all Deeks could keep thinking. '_At least we had one day of fun, one day of laughter, one day uninterrupted by gunfire and our insane jobs.'_

The way she'd smiled at him, joked with him, teased him and toyed with him to a point where he nearly told her the truth.

The truth was that he was so in love with her he couldn't even think straight. He wanted to be with her forever and always, and if he never kissed another girl other than Kensi for the rest of his life, than that would be perfectly alright with him.

Deeks tried his hardest not to conjure up some image in his mind of his life thirty or forty years down the road, but he couldn't stop the thoughts that flooded to the forefront of his mind.

Deeks was alone. He thought of Kensi on every occasion and in everything he did. Constantly, wherever he was, simple things brought her to his mind like a bright blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon.

He had nobody. He never moved on, because Kensi was gone. He never got married, never had kids, and never forgot her.

Do you want to know why? Because that is what happens when you are separated from someone who carries a part of your soul with them. When she died, a little piece of him did as well.

Deeks remembered his words from the other day on the airstrip. _"As long as I'm still breathing, I'll love you to death. No doubt in my mind."_

That statement had never been more truthful. He was still breathing, and still loved her with everything he had.

Just because she was gone, that didn't mean that he wanted anyone different. He wanted her, and only her, as you can't choose which feelings stay and which ones fade away.

A part of him was missing. Vanished. Ripped away without any choice on his behalf- and he needed to know who was responsible.

* * *

"Someone needs to go and see Deeks. Make sure that he is alright."

Hetty stood upstairs in ops, facing a line of damaged agents. Sam, Callen, Eric and Nell were filed up in front of the table monitor, listening to her speak.

"Any volunteers?"

Callen stepped forward immediately, his chest puffed. "I'll go."

He was the only one who really understood Deeks and Kensi's relationship, because as far as he could tell Deeks wasn't much for sharing that kind of sensitive information with anyone else.

"No need."

Deeks walked into the room, his face still ravaged by tears and pain. There was a visible change in him, one that showed how damaged and broken he really was. His shoulders were slightly slouched; his jaw clenched into a tight line.

It was the middle of the night, but what did he care? Deeks certainly wasn't going to be getting any sleep that evening.

Nell wiped tears from under her eyes and sniffled before speaking. "Deeks? What are you doing here?"

He stared at her for a moment before shrugging and looking to the ground, tracing the tiles with his shoe.

"Couldn't sleep."

He swallowed past the lump that was growing in his throat. "I just need to know what happened."

Nell looked up to Eric- she knew that she couldn't talk about it without breaking down.

He nodded. "Our video feed was hacked by someone on that ship- the captain, actually."

Deeks sucked in a deep breath. "So that's why we didn't find anyone who had ties to cartels."

They had brushed over the captain's personnel file, assuming that there was no reason to look into him closely. Who suspects a captain of committing such horrendous crimes?

"_Why _didn't we look into him more?" Deeks' tone was pleading, as if he was begging the universe that it wasn't really true- that Kensi wasn't actually gone for good, and that it had been some sick and twisted practical joke.

Eric had no clue what he was supposed to say. "He wasn't a suspect, I guess."

Deeks was livid at the entire situation; as well as exceedingly depressed- it was a bad combination.

As he reheard Eric's words over and over again in his head, Deeks just got angrier and angrier.

"_You guess? _You _guess?!" _He looked up to the ceiling, shaking his head.

_"Guessing _isn't good enough for me Eric! _Guessing _doesn't bring Kensi back, now does it?! And because we all decided not to look into something, something that could have saved my partner's life, she is _gone_! And I will never, ever see her again, and you all-" He tearfully pointed his finger around the room to all of his coworkers. "-you all will have to carry that burden with you for the rest of your lives. And so will I."

Without another word he spun around and stomped out the door, fresh tears coursing down his unshaven cheeks.

* * *

Deeks sat in his apartment once more, this time relocating himself to the couch with Monty rather than just sitting on the hard floor of his living room.

He almost couldn't believe what he had just told his teammates up in ops. It wasn't their fault, and he knew that. But it was still so easy to blame himself and his coworkers. To play a never-ending what-if game in his head, letting the thoughts ravage his brain and send him to the brink of insanity.

_What if you had gone with her? What if you'd looked more closely into the captain? What if there was something simple that you missed? What if she had never left?_

Deeks stomped the coffee table with his fist, watching Monty's head pop up from the floor in alarm.

"It's okay boy," he whispered as the pup continued to stare at him. "Daddy's just having a mental breakdown."

In that same instant, a knock came at his door- Deeks didn't want to get it. He didn't want to see anyone, talk to anyone, or look at anyone. He just wanted to be alone.

"Deeks?" He heard through the hard oak door. "It's Callen. Open up."

Though he didn't want to, Deeks reluctantly stood up and made his way over to the door. It could be about Kensi, and he wasn't going to run the risk of letting her down again.

_Oh whoops- you can't. She's already dead._

He swung the door open, rubbing his temples.

"Hey man," Callen said, his hands behind his back. "Can I come in for a sec?"

Deeks nodded and looked to the ground, stepping aside to let him in.

He sat down in a chair and Deeks sunk into the couch diagonal to him.

"Look- we should talk about what just happened."

Deeks wasn't really sure what to say. "Yeah. Sorry about that."

"Don't be sorry- I don't care what you said. I get it. But you can't blame me, or Nell, or Eric, or Sam for this. But most of all, you can't blame yourself."

His tone was intense. "I've done it before, Deeks, and it's not good. It will break you and then eat you alive. You just can't let those thoughts in."

_Too late._

Deeks agreed with a slight bob of his head. "I left too soon- I need to know what happened. With Kensi, and all."

Callen frowned- he was hoping that he wouldn't have to be the one to tell the story.

"Well- the captain found out that Kensi was an agent, and, um, ya know," he stumbled over his words, as he watched tears glisten in Deeks' red eyes, but continued on.

"Then he took everyone hostage in the mess hall after he went downstairs to the cargo load, and found that his fifty pound crate of heroin was gone. He believes that there is another agent on the ship, because Kensi told him that she didn't take the drugs off the ship. Which she didn't- NCIS had already confiscated them. The plan was for Kensi to get to the guys _before _they discovered that they were gone."

He took a breath, running a hand across his face. "Hostage Rescue and Response is handling everything, and monitoring all the lines after Hetty got that awful call from Granger…"

Callen trailed off as he watched Deeks cripple before him. He had never seen a more damaged or destoryed man.

Deeks gritted his teeth in anger, but his expression quickly changed to sadness.

"But _why?" _He whispered. "Why kill her? Why not just keep her as a hostage? I don't understand."

Callen shrugged sheepishly- he didn't have an exact answer. "They could have done it for any number of reasons. Maybe they thought she was some kind of an imminent threat. Maybe they're just assholes. Maybe they're drug-ravaged murderers. We honestly don't know."

He slowly stood up from the chair. "I am going back to ops to monitor the hostage situation with the R&R team. Try and get some sleep, alright?"

Deeks shook his head and raised it to Callen's eye level. "Not gonna happen. I need to go with you."

"You can't. You're too close to this case, and I know that Hetty wouldn't allow you back into OSP after what you said back there."

Deeks nodded, defeated.

Callen began to walk towards the door, but Deeks stopped him.

"Hey Callen?"

He turned around. "Yeah?"

Deeks suddenly looked so small, like a timid four year old child. "How do we know for certain that she is dead? Like, really dead?"

Callen stared at him for a minute, before furrowing his brow. "We have no reason to believe otherwise. I mean, why would they lie? It just puts them in more trouble with the government. The murder of a federal agent isn't something you lie about."

Deeks nodded again, looking to the floor. For that night, it was good enough of an explanation.

"Goodnight."

Callen walked out the door and pulled it closed, leaving Deeks alone with Monty once again. Callen had wanted him to come to terms with his situation; he could tell. But would that really be possible?

Deeks moaned and leaned back on his couch. He felt like as if was going to pass out from complete and utter exhaustion. Three hours of sleep and a whole load of tears weren't exactly the makings of a good day. He needed to retire, and he needed to do it soon.

But as soon as he laid down, he was right back there on the airstrip with Kensi. Kissing her. Saying I love you. Saying goodbye.

He was hurt. He was hurt, and frankly couldn't believe it. Laying there in bed with fresh tears in his eyes was what he pictured the rest of his life consisting of: heartache, sadness, and then some more heartache.

In some scenarios, being hurt doesn't necessarily mean that you're broken. Blood will dry, scars will fade, and time can heal old wounds. In this case though- he was broken, and his heart was shattered into a million little pieces that were still lying on the floor up in ops.

And in that moment, Deeks was only certain of one thing- his heart would never be the same.


	11. Do or Die

**Thanks so much for all the reviews! I hope that you all enjoy this chapter- and I that believe you will. =)**

**Please continue to review- I love reading them!**

**-Hazel**

* * *

Deeks didn't even sleep for a moment that night.

After about an hour of tossing and turning, he hopped in his car and drove up the street to the local 24-hour gym. Running seemed like the best possible way to let out his mounting anger- even though he wasn't going anywhere, just sprinting in place.

The building was empty, which was expected, as it was only 3 AM. Deeks ran until his body was drenched in sweat, but sadly his little workout didn't help him sleep at all. He was wound up with a new rush of adrenaline pumping through his veins.

When he finally stepped off the treadmill, everything just hit him again. He felt so changed by the things he had heard the day before- it was as if he was a different person. When he looked in the mirror, even Deeks didn't really recognize the damaged man that stared back at him.

He though about returning home, but that wasn't a viable option anymore.

The day before, all Deeks wanted was to be as far away as possible from anything that reminded him of Kensi, but in that moment he just needed to be near her, or have some shred of her memory around him. So instead of withering away in his house some more, Deeks drove down to the beach to watched the sun rise.

He found the perfect little spot to sit, directly in the center between the ocean and where the sand ended, up towards the road. His face glittered in the bright light, the sun illuminating his flaxen hair.

_Kensi would have loved this. _

That was the only thought that Deeks' mind could process. He knew how much she enjoyed waking up early and going for walks in the early morning light. It was a pastime that they both had shared.

Looking out towards the water, his eyes caught the exact area where they had gone surfing that Saturday, and Deeks was immediately enveloped in that day once again. He recalled the way he had pulled Kensi onto his surfboard, saving her from the never ending stream of crash waves. How she hard stared up at him with wide eyes, and how much he had longed to kiss her; to have his lips pressed up against hers.

Deeks watched as the large glowing sphere rose slowly into the dull morning sky, casting sunbeams in every direction while it illuminated the pier.

He stared out through misty eyes, watching as the colors made by the rising sun changed, growing more vivid with the passing time. But as beautiful as the morning was, he knew that day could be nothing but awful.

I mean, what good thing could come out of it? Kensi wasn't there with him, and she wouldn't ever be again. He'd yelled at the only friends that he really had the night before, and though Callen had forgiven him, he wasn't certain how everyone else would react to the situation.

Although it was harsh, what Deeks said was true. For the rest of their lives, they would all have to carry the burden of Kensi's death on their backs. They would have to wear it everyday, knowing that maybe, just maybe, if they had done one thing differently they may not have lost her.

After about an hour, the sun had nearly risen to its full height in the sky. As a couple of early morning surfers flooded down the beach and into the water, Deeks took that as his queue to go.

Once seated in the driver's seat of his car, Deeks didn't turn on the engine. He just sat with his hands on the steering wheel, staring off into the sky.

_Where the hell do I go now?_

If he went back to his apartment, Deeks was certain that he would just sit and cry, further breaking down his already weakened demeanor.

So instead, he decided that he would drive to OSP. He needed to be there, to be around the action and to know what was going on. Sticking his key into the ignition, Deeks began to back out of the parking lot, distracted by his own thoughts.

He still had some strange feeling inside of him; an unnerving one that he felt was trying to tell him something.

_Maybe Kensi is still out there?_

Deeks shook his head. As much as he wanted to believe that it was true, the last thing he needed to do was to get his own hopes up, only to have them crushed for a second time. He knew he wouldn't be able to recover if he was hit with a second blow.

Reaching towards the dash, Deeks switched on the radio, hoping that maybe the sound of some good music would drown out his own disruptive thoughts.

He listening to three songs as he drove, trying his hardest to sing along and act like his old self, as if nothing was terribly wrong. It didn't work though. He would hum one line, then his mind would drift elsewhere.

An old Beatles song ended and the announcer came on the radio.

_"Thank you for listening to 101.9, your favorite station for oldies hits! Tonight, we are going to take a walk down memory lane, all the way back to the sixties with this next hit! Enjoy!"_

Deeks didn't expect what was coming, but when it was delivered he couldn't help but become hysterical once more.

_You've really got a hold on me _blasted throughout Deeks' car, taking him back to the day he spent with Kensi. How they had held eyes that Friday night in the parking lot, so close to telling one another their true feelings.

It had only been one day since he learned that she was gone, and Deeks was already sick and tired of the feeling that came over him when she popped into his mind. It came without warning, and was the most gut-wrenching, heart stopping tremor, one that shook his whole body and ravaged it with pain and sorrow, leaving him with nothing.

His journey without Kensi had just begun, and Deeks already couldn't wait for it to end.

He pulled into a parking space and threw the car into park, hopping out and walking swiftly inside.

The place was chaotic, with different agents walking quickly every which way around him. Once he got to his desk, Deeks spotted Granger walking with purpose away from Hetty's office.

Deeks hadn't seen the man in months, and just the sight of him made his blood boil. He clenched his hands into fists, hoping and praying that he wouldn't do anything that might later be regretted.

"Hey!" Deeks called out to him, waving him over. He was pissed, and wasn't sure what words might run out of his mouth.

Granger walked up to him, not even bothering to address the Kensi situation. Typical.

"Yes?"

Deeks took a deep breath and shook his head.

"I don't get it. Why did you take the drugs off the ship?" He stared at Granger, his eyes fiercely beating into his. "If you hadn't, she might not be dead."

Granger wasn't fazed. "We did what we had to do Mr. Deeks. Removing them was the only viable option once we knew that they were there. She was supposed to catch them going _down _to the cargo hold, before they even reached the drug stash."

He put one hand up towards Deeks' face. "Look, I do not have time for this. I am managing a hostage situation. You can come manage it with us, or you can stay down here. It's your call."

Granger jogged away from Deeks' desk, running up the stairs to preside over the mounting chaos up in ops.

Deeks just sat in his chair for a moment, closing his eyes and breathing deeply. He had to keep his anger under control, but that was much easier said than done, especially when it came to dealing with Granger.

Fury flared up inside of him like a bonfire, and he just needed to get out of that place.

Deeks grabbed his bag without a second thought and marched towards the door.

"Deeks!"

Callen was standing at the top of the staircase, tediously leaning over the railing.

"What is it? I really don't want to go and watch." The last thing he wanted to do was witness some rescue mission that was going to save everyone on the ship, except his partner.

Callen shook his head. "No- we've got something. Get up here, quick."

* * *

Deeks' heart raced and he felt some new feeling come over him, something that he hadn't felt in a long while. A tiny, minuscule, microscopic shred of hope. Still though, it was enough for him to cling on to and not let go of.

"What is it? What's going on?" Deeks asked as he ran upstairs to ops, following directly behind Callen.

Callen suddenly looked frantic as he pointed to the screen. "We um, so… Eric? Do you want to explain?"

Eric stood up from his desk chair, removing his ear piece before walking to the center of the room to meet the two men.

Deeks hadn't spoken to him since their little episode the night before. "Hey man, I'm sorry for-"

Eric put his hand up, speaking gruffly. "We're all on edge right now. Just forget about it."

Deeks nodded. "So… will you tell me what's going on?"

Eric shifted his weight from foot to foot. "Look, before I say anything, just know that we don't want to give you some sort of false hope."

Deeks shook his head. "Don't play this game with me Eric. Just tell me what's going on."

He agreed. "Okay, so Nell and I were finally able to hack through the firewalls that were put up against the security cameras. Seriously, there was like a million word encrypted code… not important for you to know. Anyways, we have painstakingly combed through every single security camera on the ship- believe me, there are quite a few, and there aren't people in any of the rooms."

Deeks furrowed his brow. "Okay, but I don't get it. Does this mean everyone is off the ship?"

Eric frowned. "Sadly, no. There are only two room on the ship we can't look into- the mess hall, and the room directly adjacent to it that you can only enter _through _the mess hall. The cameras in those rooms have actually been physically removed, so we know that is where the hostages are."

There was a momentary pause. Callen elbowed Eric in the side. "Tell him the other thing you told me!"

"Oh, right. Well it doesn't necessarily mean anything- but we haven't seen Kensi's body yet."

Chills ran down Deeks' spine, and the tiny shred of hope that he had held onto before was multiplied.

"What exactly does that mean?"

"Well, we have the video footage from the hallway after she was drug out of her room. But, she was taken into the mess hall with everyone else. And when she went in there, she was alive."

"So she could still be alive?" Deeks whispered.

Callen put a hand on his shoulder, trying to steady him. "It's possible."

"But they said that she was dead, so most likely she is." Eric hated to be the deliverer of bad news, but he didn't want to see Deeks crash and burn all over again.

Deeks wasn't having any of it. There he had been all night, just sitting around at home when he could have been, quite possibly, saving his partner's life.

"They did say it, that's true- but we don't know what we don't know. She could be alive!"

Granger overheard the extent of their conversation, and was quick to jump in. "We can handle this Mr. Deeks. We are going to send in a hostage rescue team, and they can deal with everything. And what you men are saying-" he said, pointing back and forth to Eric and Callen. "-isn't helping him at all. The captain said she is dead."

"No, no." Deeks responded, shaking his head and taking two steps back. He needed to distance himself from Granger, or was probably going to shoot him.

"I don't care what you guys think. We don't have a body, and I think that is a good enough reason to believe that she is alive. And even if she isn't-" He shuddered at the though, closing his eyes and willing the tears to stay away.

"-then I am bringing her back. One way or another."

Granger threw his hands in the air. "Mr. Deeks! Like I said, we will be sending in a team, we just aren't exactly sure how to do it yet. It's a very… peculiar situation. There is no vantage point we can get on the hostages since they are all on a ship. Luckily it is anchored at the moment, but they could leave at any time."

Deeks shook his head, looking around him as if he was wondering if anyone else was getting the sense that Granger was being a complete airhead. "Send me. I'll fly into the military base nearby, take a boat out, kill the captain, and get the hostages. Simple."

He thought for a moment, and then furrowed his brow in confusion once more as he thought of another possibility. "Wait- there is only one guy on the ship who is orchestrating all of this, right?"

Eric nodded.

"How is that even possible? There are like thirty crew members- why the hell couldn't they just overpower him?"

Granger glanced worriedly behind him to the screen. "That's what we can't figure out. There must be something that we are missing. That's why we haven't deployed a team yet- it could be more dangerous than we think."

Deeks shook his head again- he didn't care. There was a chance that Kensi was alive, and he wasn't going to let her slip through his fingers. If he did, he would never be able to forgive himself.

"With all due respect sir, I don't care. Get a plane ready- I'm going."


	12. Enemies Foreign

**This, my dear readers, is the chapter that I believe you have all been waiting for. If you read into the title at all, you may know that it was chosen for a very specific reason. The definition of Deliverance is **_**rescue from bondage or danger.**_

**Enjoy. =)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

Sam and Deeks rode in a medium sized SOC-R boat, machine guns hoisted to the front. They had just landed on their military base in the Persian Gulf, gotten ready in less than five minutes to hop on their awaiting boat, and were driving out the ship, which was anchored at sea.

It was eerily quiet, just the sound of waves crashing against their small water vessel. Deeks wasn't certain what they would find out there, and his heart was racing.

The mission could be so simple. It _should _be so simple. But something seemed off, just as Granger had said up in ops. It made no sense that just one man could overpower thirty crewmembers on a navy ship- and he planned to get to the bottom of it.

Deeks was glad that Sam was his backup on the mission- his extensive military service as a navy seal could come of good use to them, depending on what happened once they were aboard the ship.

"So- do you wanna talk about the plan again?"

The had reviewed the plan once up in ops- and then they had done it again on the plane. Okay, maybe twice on the plane.

Though he could have taken it as an annoyance, Sam understood why Deeks was being so conscientious - he didn't want anything to go wrong either.

"Get on the ship. Go directly to the mess hall. Shoot the captain, and let the hostages go. Get off the ship with them, and we'll take the boat back to base. Simple."

Deeks' pulse quickened. "And what about Kensi?"

Sam swallowed hard and clenched his jaw, looking ahead and not bothering to glance back at Deeks.

"Get her too. Either way, Deeks- just bring her home."

Just those few simple words made Deeks feel like somehow a sliver of glass had worked it's way into his heart. He stood up tall with his chest puffed, nodding to Sam.

"I'll bring her home."

He didn't want to consider the possibility of carrying Kensi out in a body bag. Deeks still hadn't come to terms with the idea of her being dead. It wasn't a thought that one day he would suddenly wake up and be fine with. Kensi may have been out of his sight, but he would never be able to push her out of his mind.

It just wasn't possible.

If she really was gone though, the one single fact that Deeks took solace in was that he knew Kensi would never have broken his heart if she was still alive- at least not willingly.

Learning how much she really did love him- from Kensi herself during their goodbye as well as from Nell during her drunken rampage at dinner, made the idea of letting her go just that much more challenging.

Love can be so painful sometimes. Deeks had given her a little piece of him back on that airstrip when they said goodbye. She had taken it with her when she left, and it was like his life wasn't his own anymore- as if it no longer belonged to him.

She had a superpower over him; one that no one else could hold. It was as if the entire bulk of his existence belonged to her. Kensi controlled his happiness, and could so effortlessly take him from soaring on top of the world to the deepest depths of darkness.

Whether or not Kensi was alive, Deeks was certain that he was going to bring her back to the states. He wasn't going to let her final resting place be some navy ship in the middle of nowhere.

He felt this odd quickening in his pulse though, a newfound lightness in his chest.

_She just can't be dead. _

Beginning to believe that she was alive was a dangerous path to walk on. Still, it was the only one he could follow.

A thought popped into his mind, subduing all the others. "Wait- aren't you coming with me? I need backup."

Sam shot him a confused look. "Do you really want to run the risk of losing our only means of escape? I need to stay here, and man the boat."

Deeks thought for a second, finally conceding. Granger apparently hadn't thought that it was necessary to send more than two agents out to sea, so it was just Sam and Deeks, with their backup at the pier.

"Yeah, you're right. But what if something happens to me?"

Sam rolled his eyes, playing the tough guy role. "What could happen to you? It's you, who's armed, and thirty trained navy sailors against one guy. And besides, if you need me, just talk into the earpiece. Eric's, yours and mine are all connected. There are like three teams on land just waiting to come out if we need them."

Deeks nodded, but what Sam said didn't really make him feel much better.

To say that he had low expectations for Granger's ability to follow through would have been to underestimate the situation drastically. Luckily though, Hetty was there with him, and he trusted that her and Callen would take care of them, and get them all out alive. Hopefully, that list of people included Kensi.

Deeks and Sam edged closer and closer to the ship.

"Here we go- weapons drawn," Sam whispered as they made their way up to the side of the ship, pulling up along the bow.

Deeks pulled out his handgun, aiming it towards the steel frame.

There wasn't a sound coming from the boat- neither of them could hear anything except more crashing waves.

Sam crouched down low, hovering behind his machine gun. "Go. Now."

Deeks nodded and hopped up effortlessly onto the ship, ducking under metal railings like a gymnast. His feet made a slight tapping noise as he clacked across the steel surface.

He couldn't lessen the intense pounding in his chest. Somehow, it seemed as if his soul was reaching out and could sense that Kensi was nearby. As if his consciousness knew it before he did.

"Eric," Deeks whispered into his earpiece. "I don't think you'll want to hear any what I'm going to do when I get the jump on this SOB." He said staunchly as walked along the edge of the ship and around the side, avoiding all windows.

"I need you to get Kensi and the hostages and get out. One way or another."

"Now what is that supposed to mean?" Deeks asked the question, though he knew exactly what Eric meant.

"I know that you don't want to hear this- but she may be dead." Deeks' eyes fluttered towards the sky and he swallowed hard.

"Either way- just grab everyone and hop on the boat with Sam. It'll be waiting for you."

Deeks nodded, quickly realizing though that Eric couldn't see him. "Roger that."

He leaned up against the side of the boat, directly next to the main entrance to the interior portion of the ship. "Eric- do you have any heat signatures? Can you tell me where to go?"

"Nell and I can't get a read on heat signatures from the air- the steelwork of the ship is blocking out our signals. I can tell you how to get to the mess hall though- after you go down the first staircase, take a right. Follow that hallway down, and take another right. It's the last door on your left."

"Got it."

Deeks softly eased the steel door open, his gun entering the interior of the ship ahead of himself. He looked around the narrow space momentarily before walking inside, gently trekking down the first flight of stairs. Still, he heard nothing- only silence.

Just as Eric said, Deeks took one turn down the first hallway, walking swiftly with his gun drawn. He followed it all the way to the end, before he paused momentarily, listening intently to the strange noises he heard nearby.

Deeks' ears caught a loud humming coming from the door on his left- a sound that he hadn't ever heard before. It wasn't familiar to him, and was not at all like the noise a ship's engine made. Besides that, Deeks knew that he wasn't anywhere near the engine room.

Peering in through the window, all Deeks saw was darkness. He quietly eased the door open, until his mouth fell open in horror.

"I think I just found our missing piece, Eric." Deeks whispered, his eyes growing wide at the sight before him. "I need a bomb disposal unit, and I need one now."

Deeks watched in horror as just stared at the bomb before him. It was massive, probably the size of a large crate. The red, white and black wires were confusing, each one running a different direction around the box, connecting to around fifty packs of explosive material. Time was ticking by, and he didn't have a moment to spare.

"Eric? Did you hear me?"

There was some cackling on the other end of the line; reception was very poor out at sea. "Loud and clear, Deeks. An EOD unit is leaving the dock now."

Panic struck Deeks down, and he was paralyzed by fear. A ship was the worst possible place to be stuck with a bomb, as there was nowhere to run, and nowhere to hide. "How long?"

Eric spoke swiftly and affirmatively. "Ten minutes, tops."

Deeks shook his head. "I don't know if we have that much time left! This thing doesn't have any sort of a timer on-"

Deeks' sentence was cut short as someone tackled him to the ground. He felt a punch or two hit his face, and then the world went black, his eyes rapidly fluttering closed.

* * *

Deeks' eyes opened and closed slowly as he awaken from a rather uncomfortable slumber. His head pounded and he squinted his at the wall in front of him as he raised his head to take in his new surroundings.

He sat alone in a small metal room- it looked like a storage area that had been cleared out. He sat facing a door, one that looked bolted and sealed. There was one small window behind him; he could tell from the reflection it made on the wall in front of him.

He couldn't remember getting there, or much of anything after walking through the halls onboard the boat.

Deeks did remember one thing though- it was something that was burned into his memory. There was a bomb on board the ship.

"Eric?" He whispered, desperately hoping that somehow his earpiece had managed to remain intact during the fist fight Deeks had been wrapped up in earlier.

However, he had no such luck. There was no response, and he could feel that the small device was gone from his ear.

He wiggled his hands around behind his back, trying his best to free them, but it was no use. They were strapped tightly to a chair, and his feet were as well.

Deeks didn't do well with being bound. His heart raced and he felt nauseous as multiple disheartening thoughts hit him all at once. He was alone and tied to a chair, in the second room on the ship without video access. That meant that Kensi was on the other side of the door that he was facing.

He desperately wanted to see her face, and to know whether she was dead or alive. Deeks couldn't continue to just wonder- it was tearing him apart.

Though it was probably not the brightest idea, Deeks began screaming her name at the top of his lungs.

"Kensi! Kensi!"

There was no immediate response, and although his heart practically sank to his stomach, Deeks hollered out again.

"KENSI!"

He heard footsteps coming towards him across the metal floor, and looked to the ground. What he had just done could've gotten him in a whole world of hurt, and he knew it.

The door opened quickly, and a man Deeks recognized from the files as Joseph Burns- the captain of the ship, was staring down at him.

He stepped inside the room partially, half his body still out the door. The man was sweating profusely, nervously tapping his foot, with one hand shaking, his thumb hovering over a small metal tube with a red button on top: it was a detonator.

"Shut it, will you!" He yelled anxiously, leaning out the door and then back inside again, setting a chair down directly across from Deeks.

Joseph then pushed someone into the seat, tying her hands to it before pulling a black bag off her head.

"I'll give you some company- I guess you two know each other," he said, slamming the door shut behind him.

Deeks slowly looked up from the floor, his vision blurry and the world spinning around him. As he viewed the person who sat before him though, Deeks' bobbing head steadied immediately.

It was Kensi. A bruised and battered version, but it was her all the same.

And she was alive.


	13. Lost and Found

**YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING! Seriously, the support I receive on here as a writer is just incredible and humbling. **

**Anyways, please review as always! I hope you all enjoy this chapter. =)**

**P.S. I'm sorry, but I just really like cliffhangers...**

**-Hazel**

* * *

The door was slammed shut behind them and it was just Kensi and Deeks, together and alone with each other's company.

"Hi," Kensi whispered, her expression stuck in a mixture of shock and delight.

Deeks bit his bottom lip and shook his head, glancing momentarily to the floor and then looking back up to meet her deep brown eyes.

"Hey." The man was so stunned; he barely even knew what to say. His subconscious had been right all along - she was _alive, _and was sitting before him- he almost couldn't handle it.

Suddenly, all Deeks could think about was spending a lifetime with her. She needed to live. Actually, _they _needed to live.

More than anything Deeks wanted to kiss her, but for obvious reasons that wasn't feasible. They were sitting three feet away from one another, and the distance was unbearable.

Kensi was silent, and her gaze was fierce. A single tear ran out of her left eye and streaked down her already swollen cheek.

The last time Deeks had seen her, she had been emotional- and it was warranted. But that day had been nothing like the one that they were currently wrapped up in.

Kensi hadn't been predicting her own imminent death, and she hadn't been anticipating that a simple undercover assignment on a navy patrol ship could have the possibility of ending in a fiery and deadly explosion.

"Did you think that I was-"

"Dead? Yes, I did." He shook his head in disbelief. "I thought you were gone, forever."

She inhaled sharply, trying to make the tears go away. "I'm so sorry Deeks."

For what felt like the billionth time, his heart tore some more as he listened to Kensi's voice break while she spoke.

"Don't be sorry. None of this is your fault."

Kensi looked to the floor, then back up to him, her voice a mere whisper. Her demeanor blatantly gave away the fact that she was genuinely scared, which wasn't normal for her. _Scared _wasn't really a word that existed in Kensi Blye's vocabulary.

"Tell me what you told me the other day on the airstrip, Deeks. Say it again." There was a pause as she continued to stare helplessly at him. "Please?"

She wanted to add, _tell me that it wasn't all a lie, _but she didn't say that- only because she was sure it wasn't. It couldn't have been.

Kensi needed so desperately to hear those three little words- the words that she had been positive she'd never hear again.

Deeks grinned at her, one that was real and stretched from ear to ear. "I love you. So much… it's kinda crazy."

She giggled, sniffling at the same time in order to suck in any remaining tears that she couldn't wipe away from her face.

"I love you too Deeks."

Sparks flew as they locked eyes, the space between them meaningless, as Kensi and both and knew that it was forced. If they hadn't been tied up, there was no question that it wouldn't have existed.

Now, rather than Deeks, it was Kensi who could feel her pulse quicken, and it wasn't as a result of the looming danger that was hanging over their heads.

It was because of Deeks. It was because of the way he looked at her, so sweet and compassionate. How he grinned so sheepishly, even though it looked as if they were nearing the end.

Though she would never admit it to him, or anyone for that matter- to her Deeks was just so perfect, in every sense of the word.

He completed her sentences; wrapping up the ones that she couldn't finish. They seemed to share the same brain, and it was as if her thoughts weren't even her own anymore, because they partially belonged to him.

Her brain never stopped racing, because even if it did for a split second, her mind would be filled with thoughts of her partner- little quips of things that he said or did. She never cared to tell him, but he really did consume her mind.

Kensi was hoping desperately that her face wasn't giving away her never-ending stream of romantic thoughts, so she quickly changed the subject.

"So I am assuming that you and the rest of the team weren't ever able to solve the case from OSP?"

Deeks shook his head, slightly embarrassed. "Yeah. It was rather… confusing if you didn't have all the facts. Which I think I do now, but maybe you could fill in the gaps for me?"

Kensi nodded weakly, clearing her throat.

"This goes way deeper than drug trafficking, Deeks." She said, shaking her head. "This is full blown terrorism."

"Yeah, I kinda figured that part when I saw the ticking bomb outside." Deeks shuddered slightly, but continued on. "The drugs must have been some sort of a front- so that if he was suspected of some crime, we wouldn't even begin to think that it was connected to terrorism. That is why nothing was connecting. And I'm sure that's also why Granger only thought it was necessary to send two agents- Sam and I."

He nodded his head towards the door that lead out into the mess hall. "Also- is that a detonator I saw in his hand?" Deeks asked, the tone in his voice pointedly acknowledging that their situation really couldn't get worse.

Kensi nodded weakly. "Yeah. It is. He said that he was going to tell NCIS I was dead, and the full force of that government agency would come onto the ship, only to be blown up- along with me," she whispered, looking past Deeks and out the window, as if she was remembering a rather unfortunate past conversation.

Deeks chuckled, trying his best to lighten the mood. "Yeah, well that guy obviously doesn't know Granger. It's just me, Sam, and a few other dudes that are waiting back on base."

There was a short silence that came over them. Deeks studied Kensi's face, noting her swollen right eye and intently escratched cheek.

Her eyes fluttered open and closed slightly and a frown creased her forehead as Kensi closed her eyes, speaking slowly and in a hushed tone.

"Are we going to die?"

Another tear dripped down her cheek, and Deeks wished so desperately that he could wipe it away.

"No." Deeks didn't know for certain that his statement would be true, but he desperately hoped so. "I will get us out of here, Kens."

She stared forward at him, searching for answers in his blue eyes.

"Promise?" She asked, reciting the same word that she had used on the airstrip just a few days before.

He grinned, though it was feeble. "Yes. I promise."

Once again- making a promise of that nature probably wasn't the best idea, considering the fact that Deeks had no control over their predicament. But still, Deeks couldn't help but provide hope for the woman he loved- even if it may have been false hope.

Captain Joseph's voice came booming though the walls, silencing Deeks' thoughts.

"What is that coming? Why is there another boat coming?! That wasn't a part of the plan!"

Deeks muttered a curse word to himself, and Kensi leaned forward in her chair, alarmed.

'"What the hell is going on?"

Deeks shook his head and "It's an EOD unit- they're coming to diffuse the bomb. I didn't know the jackass had a detonator, or I probably wouldn't have told Eric to send them!"

In that moment, Kensi didn't know whether to be happy or terrified. But as she listened intently to the words that were coming from the captain outside, she decided that the latter would probably be most fitting.

"But," Deeks added with a wink. "I think that I may be able to get us out of this mess. Thank God for Sam."

Kensi squinted her eyes, obviously confused. "What are you talking about? Last time I checked, we both had our hands tied together behind our backs."

Deeks grinned a crooked smile and motioned his head around to his back. "I have a pocket knife in my back pocket."

Kensi chuckled and threw her head back. "Then what are you waiting for?"

"Yeah, right."

Deeks fished around behind his back, finally able to pull the knife out of his back pocket and cut the ties free from around his wrists. Leaning forward, he did the same to the bonds around his feet.

He didn't hesitate to rush over to Kensi's side either, doing the exact same for her. She shook her hands out, rubbing her wrists as she stood up next to her partner.

Quickly though, that feeling of relief was gone as Kensi put one hand on the doorknob that led outside. "It's locked."

Deeks scratched his neck, looking down around his feet. "And they took my gun... yeah, I guess that I didn't really think this part through."

Somehow, even in that moment of crisis, he was still acting like, well, _Deeks- _finding humor in every situation_._

Kensi and Deeks both listened intently, pressing their ears against the door as they heard the mounting commotion outside, though the words were muffled by the solid steel doors that barricaded them from the rest of the crew.

"I'm gonna let it blow! So help me, I will do it!"

Kensi looked up to Deeks, her watery eyes laced with terror.

"I guess this is it."

Though they had found a way out of the bonds that tied them to their chairs, they were still locked in a small steel room, awaiting their death, which seemed imminent.

Her words sounded so longing that they were haunting, in a way. Kensi was pleading with the universe for just a little more time with him, but she wasn't certain she was going to get it.

Before, when Deeks' believed that Kensi was dead, he wouldn't have minded dying. He actually would have preferred it over living.

But now that she was alive and standing in front of him, Deeks needed them both to survive more than he ever had before. If it came down to it though- he would always choose Kensi over himself.

Deeks shook his head profusely, completely disregarding her statement. "No. I did not come onto this ship to let you die; I came on here to get you home. And that is exactly what I plan to do."

Her breathing deepened greatly and she swallowed hard, contemplating what his words could possibly mean.

Suddenly and without warning, Deeks heard a countdown beginning outside the door.

"Five, four, three…" Joseph began, his voice anxious and loud.

"Kensi, get down- NOW!"

She didn't have time to think, so Kensi just did as she was told. Flying towards the floor Deeks launched himself on top of her, posing his body as a human shield.

As he flew forward through the air, an explosion went off, blowing the steel door straight off the wall. Smoke filled the small room and a ringing noise remained brash in Kensi's ears.

Kensi held her breath and attempted to steady herself, her body and mind both unstable from the force of the blast. She grunted and pushed up, using all of her strength, as she felt a strong weight was holding her down: it was Deeks.

He wasn't getting up.


	14. Recovered

**Sorry for the cliffhanger in the last chapter! There will be one more chapter after this one- an epilogue! Thank you all so much for you support and extreme awesomeness- it is greatly appreciated. **

**Please review as always! =)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

Kensi collapsed back down to the floor under Deeks' weight, only to toss him off her back as gently as she possibly could and spin around in one fluid motion, catching him before his back hit the hard ground.

Coughing and sputtering through the thick clouds of smoke, Kensi gently lowered her partner to the floor and leaned forward, checking him for a pulse.

It was weak and erratic- but it was still there, thumping away.

She pulled off his bulletproof vest and threw it to the side, noting the burn hole that was present in the back of it. Immediately she began performing CPR, her hands pressing against his chest with every last bit of available strength she had.

"Come on, Deeks!" She exclaimed, tears rushing down her cheeks. "Stay with me!"

His facial features were unmoving, yet eerily calm. She prayed pleadingly that the force of the blast had just managed to knock him out, and that he was going to wake up shortly.

She knew that she'd never be able to live with herself if Deeks died in an attempt to protect her. Knowing how much he loved her made seeing him hurt even more painful, until the point that it was excruciating. Each time her hands pressed down on his chest and he didn't wake up just felt like another thorn was being pushed into her heart.

Kensi heard some rather noisy footsteps clamoring towards her, and she snapped her head up, squinting her eyes through the gray clouds of smoke. With each passing second it was becoming harder and harder to breathe, and they needed to get out of there- fast.

"Sam! Over here!" A coughing Sam rushed into the room, maneuvering around the rubble.

He stopped for a split second, talking into his earpiece. "I've got them Eric. Kensi is fine- Deeks is…"

He trailed off, looking down to Kensi for an answer.

She glanced up at him helplessly, not wasting even half a second before turning her full attention back to Deeks. "He still has a pulse!"

Sam spoke into his earpiece again. "Deeks is down, but he's still breathing."

He knelt down to the floor beside Kensi, one thumb pointing out the back door. "We have to roll Kens! The ship is gonna start to sink any minute now. Help me pick him up!"

Kensi grabbed Deeks' shoulders while Sam reached for his feet, hoisting him and walking cautiously out of the room.

Tediously, inch-by-inch Kensi and Sam strode through the ship, watching for miscellaneous pieces of shrapnel, or rather large holes that had been melted into the floor.

Kensi jumped to the side when they made their way out to the main hallway, as a fire began to engulf one of the rooms to her left.

She still clung strongly to Deeks, her grip untiring.

"You good?" Sam yelled out through the billowing smoke as they reached the main head of the ship, picking up speed.

Kensi nodded, charging on. "Yeah! Let's go!"

They reached the staircase, and though it was narrow and steep Kensi didn't even hesitate for a moment, spinning around and stepping tediously up it backwards. Sam followed, and when Kensi reached the bow of the ship she gently laid Deeks down on the cold steel floor outside, waiting for Sam to make it the rest of the way up.

Kensi inhaled deeply, trying her best to steady herself after breathing in wafts of smoke inside the ship. She could see their small boat in the forward distance, and desperately wanted to reach it- it meant that they were safe from any more possible looming danger.

Leaning forward Kensi grabbed Deeks' shoulders once more, and Sam did the same at his feet.

The railing that ran around the perimeter of the ship had been blown off by the explosion, leaving the perfect gap area for Kensi and Sam to step through and hop into the boat. She easily made the two-foot jump downward, still carefully holding Deeks' front end.

Sam followed and stepped into the boat, laying Deeks out flat across the floor. Kensi got down on her knees and checked his pulse again- he was still breathing. _Still _being the operative word.

She began CPR immediately, and as soon as Sam began driving away towards the shore and into the fresh air Deeks' head shot up, only to fall back down with a slight thud. He breathed heavily as his eyes shot around every which way, taking in the new and seemingly sudden change in his surroundings.

Kensi's hands stopped moving and she fell forward just slightly, leaning the top of her head gently against his chest. She let out a gasp that she hadn't even realized she was holding, with a breathy "Oh my gosh," following it.

Deeks weakly moved one hand up to Kensi's side, his head still planted to the ground.

"Don't you worry Fern," he said, patting her lightly on the shoulder as his eyes fluttered open and closed. "I'm all good."

She slowly moved her head back up as she laughed, shooting him an are-you-kidding-me-you-almost-just-died look, which he took with a grain of salt.

Kensi crawled over to where Deeks' head was resting, running one hand over his face. Luckily for their sake Sam wasn't paying any attention to them whatsoever; he was just focused on driving the boat.

"Do you think that you hurt anything?" Kensi asked, looking his body up and down for some sign of damage.

He grinned dimly. "Aside from my pride- no."

Kensi couldn't help but let out a quiet snort as she laughed, shaking her head as she beamed down at him. It felt so inexplicably good to hear Deeks joking around with her again- the past few days without him had made her miss it terribly; enough so that she wouldn't even give him grief for it.

"Do you wanna sit up?" Kensi asked, still unsure of the shape that Deeks was truly in, as he tended to say he was fine even when he wasn't really alright.

Deeks nodded, and winced slightly as Kensi helped to pull him up to her height. He scooted around until his back was leaning against the shell of the boat. Kensi shifted aside to sit next to him, and Deeks immediately rested his head on her shoulder, letting out a deep breath.

"I'm glad we're not dead."

Kensi reached down and grabbed Deeks' hand, leaving it to rest on top of his knee.

"Me too, Deeks. Me too."

* * *

"You're all good- you can go now, ma'am."

Kensi nodded and stepped out of the back of the ambulance, moving away from the paramedic that had been checking her over. Aside from a few bruises and scrapes, she had managed to escape without suffering any dramatic injuries.

She looked around for her partner- they had parted ways after reaching the base. Four ambulances had been waiting to greet them, as well as the many crewmembers on board the ship. Sadly, there were only three people that walked away from the explosion alive- Sam, Deeks, and Kensi.

She caught Deeks' eye- he was sitting up on the edge of a gurney, waiting for some paramedic to finish placing a bandage over a bloody wound on his temple.

Kensi slowly made her way towards him, trying to prepare something to say as she walked. What could she say though, honestly? No simple set of words seemed like enough to repay him for what he had done, or rather what he had _tried _to do. He had protected her from the blast; shielded her from incoming danger.

"Hey Deeks."

Kensi twiddled her thumbs as she strolled up to him, letting the paramedic move aside and out of their way. She leaned on the side of the ambulance below him, crossing her arms and letting her head rest on the bright red exterior.

"I guess all they were expecting more people," Kensi said as she gestured around to the many people that were wandering around the base.

Deeks looked around, his face still in an expression of disbelief. "So really- nobody else survived?"

Kensi shook her head slowly back and forth. "Nope. That asshole blew everyone up- including himself. A search and rescue team is still out on the boat though, checking for survivors."

"Well… how did we manage to make it out alive?" He was grateful- but still didn't really understand it.

"The small steel room we were locked in protected us from the blast. If we hadn't been in there... well I don't really want to think about what would've happened."

Deeks ran one hand through his blond hair, ruffling it just a tad. "So by locking us up in that room, he kinda inadvertently saved our lives?"

Kensi shrugged. "Yeah. I guess he did."

"What about Sam?" Deeks asked, his eyes wandering to the third ambulance around the corner where he was being looked over.

"Eric told him to move in, but luckily he hadn't gotten far when the bomb went off. He dove back into the boat just as it blew."

Deeks nodded in understanding and there was a short silence as Kensi began fiddling with the bandage wrap around one of her wrists, desperately searching for the right thing to say.

"So… thank you for what you did back there. I mean it."

Deeks shrugged and sat back against the wall, folding his arms just as Kensi had. "No problem." His cheeky grin faded rather quickly, turning into a staunch and serious gaze. "I'd do it again."

Kensi grinned sheepishly and looked to the ground, her cheek turning a bright shade of pink. She quickly looked up again though, shaking her head and raising her shoulders.

"But why?"

Kensi honestly didn't understand Deeks' infatuation with herself. She was madly in love with him, sure. But she didn't view herself as being some perfect person, just as she saw him- not at all.

In the past she had never been the self-conscious type, but she was already opening up to Deeks in ways that she never had with anyone else, which made her vulnerable- and Kensi didn't like being vulnerable. Exposed. Her sensitive side open, for the world to see.

The only other person she had ever let in to that extent was Jack. That man was the main reason why she had been so skeptical of her feelings towards Deeks in the first place. Before she acted upon them, Kensi had to be certain that the feelings were true, and not just her mind playing tricks on her. When she had handed Jack her heart, he'd just torn it apart, and left her to clean up the mess all by herself. Deeks on the other hand- he was being painstakingly careful with it.

Somehow, through all of her many faults and troubles, he still loved her, and wanted to be with her. Everyone else had left, with little or no regard for her feelings whatsoever. But Deeks was still there, day after day, hoping to break down the walls that she had built up around herself- and she didn't understand why.

Deeks didn't view Kensi in the same way that she did, and he immediately made that very clear.

"What do you mean, _why_?_" _He furrowed his brow, cocking his head to one side. "I love you- that's why."

Although it wasn't the first time Kensi had heard Deeks say those words, it still felt surreal, as if any minute she was going to wake up and realize that none of it was real. That Deeks didn't actually love her, and that she was still in a deep, dark place, feeling alone and isolated from the rest of the world.

In reality though- it was real. Deeks loved her, and she loved him. Kensi would never get used to hearing those three little words, because when someone you love and dream about on a nightly basis says them aloud to you, it causes your body to melt and your breath to get caught up in your chest.

Kensi stared at the ground, remaining stoic as she traced circles in the concrete with the tip of her shoe. "I still don't get it, I really don't."

Deeks grinned and bit his lip, searching for the right words. "I could ask you the exact same question: why do _you_ love _me_? Neither one of us can really explain it. We just do. And it can't be helped, and I could never stop loving you." He scratched the top of his head. "I found that part out pretty quickly when I thought you were dead. Moving on from someone like you… it just isn't possible."

Kensi wanted to add '_well, plenty of people have done it,' _but she didn't say that. Deeks immediately knew what she was thinking though, and he was quick to disprove any twisted thoughts that she may have conjured up in her mind.

He hopped down out of the ambulance, closing the small gap between them in a millisecond. "Nobody else has ever loved _anyone _as much as I love you."

Kensi didn't hesitate to wrap her arms around Deeks' neck and pull him into a long, slow kiss; completely oblivious to any neighboring bystanders who might have been watching- she didn't even care.

Although their lives were a strong mixture of terror and heartbreak on a fairly regular basis, they had managed to find something beautiful in the midst of it all. Something that was meaningful and true, and that gave them both butterflies in their stomachs, making every kiss seem like it was their first.

She finally released after a long moment, resting her forehead against his. "I love you."

Deeks chuckled and pressed his lips to the top of her head.

"I love you too, Fern."


	15. Epilogue

**I know that this chapter isn't **_**too **_**long, but I believe that it sums up everything pretty nicely. Thank you all so much for the kind words and encouragement I have received from all of you- it really does mean the world to me. I am so incredibly happy that you all enjoyed this story. =)**

**-Hazel**

* * *

Kensi held her breath as she strolled hand-in-hand with Deeks towards the entrance of OSP. Sam trailed behind, allowing them to enter ahead of him.

Walking through the front doors, all three agents received a standing ovation from an entire office full of agents - even Granger slowly rounded the corner at the top of the stairs and applauded for the agents that he nearly lost out at sea.

Nell ran down the stairs faster than anyone else, pushing through the hordes of people to wrap Kensi up in a tight bear hug. After she finally released, Nell quickly moved on to Deeks- unexpectedly so.

"Thank you," she whispered tearfully. "For bringing her back alive."

Nell pulled away, and Deeks patted her on the shoulder with a wink. "No problem."

Deeks had to release Kensi's hand (which he had been clutching ever since they walked in together) when the long stream of hugs and handshakes began.

After greeting an assembly line of coworkers, Kensi was exhausted- emotionally and physically, and desperately wanted to return home. The support from her friends and surrogate-family members was greatly appreciated, but nothing sounded better than sinking to her couch, preferably with her partner, who she could now also call her boyfriend.

Kensi turned the knob on her front door slowly and crossed through the threshold, stroking her hand over the walls and any inanimate object that she could possibly touch. Sitting on that ship, preparing to die, she had nearly come to terms with the idea that her own death was imminent, and that she would never be returning to her home again. It felt genuinely surreal to look around the space and still be able to call it her own.

Deeks followed quietly behind, observing her in a state that he'd never seen her in before. She was letting her guard down- not making a single funny quip or jibe as she observed her surroundings.

Kensi seemed to snap out of her daze though when Deeks stepped onto the hardwood floors behind her, setting his backpack down on the floor with a light thud.

"You happy to be home?" Deeks asked, folding his arms and grinning at her.

Kensi turned her head over her shoulder, gazing at her partner with misty eyes and a dazzling smile.

"Yeah," she said, snatching up his hand and intertwining her fingers with his. "I am."

Rather than grabbing a beer and turning on the television like she normally did, Kensi just sunk into her couch with Deeks following steadily at her side. The room was silent, which under usual circumstances would have bothered her- but for some reason it just _didn't. _The idea that she could be so comfortable with someone, even in complete silence, made her feel just that much more secure.

Kensi buried her face in Deeks' shoulder, allowing him to just hold her. All that she needed was for him to be there with her and whisper that he loved her; promise her that they would never be separated again.

And he did just that.

* * *

Weeks flew by, then months. Kensi returned to her former cheeky self- being with her partner on a daily basis certainly helped speed up the process. Rarely did she divulge any information about what went on during those three days at sea, unless it was required by Granger or Hetty.

All Deeks learned was that Kensi was dragged out of her room at knifepoint, but if she began to go into any further detail, Deeks could see her shutter at the foul memories, and told Granger that it wasn't _"need to know," _information.

As the wounds healed and the scars faded, Kensi and Deeks both returned to their normal schedules, with only a few slight changes. They worked cases, solved crimes, and brought criminals to justice, all the while making one another exceedingly happy and spending most nights together at Kensi's house- even Monty began to come over regularly.

One rather sunny evening Deeks pulled Kensi down to the beach, desperate to relive the memories that they had created so long ago. The beach was a newly special place for him, as it reminded him of what they had gained and what they had lost through the short yet intense experience.

Kensi wasn't always the most eager person to surf, as it wasn't one of her strong suits- but still went without a single complaint. I mean, how can one complain about visiting the beach with Marty Deeks? She wouldn't want to be anywhere else than wherever he was.

She looked out to the ocean water that night, which was strangely calm and unmoving, without a surfer in sight. Seagulls flew about over their heads, the loud calls they made the only other surrounding sounds.

"Deeks?"

"Yeah Babe?" He replied, ruffling his hair as he walked up behind her, carrying his surfboard underneath one arm.

Dear God. Kensi's heart nearly burst right out of her chest. She loved when he called her babe.

"I don't think we'll be catching any waves tonight," Kensi said affirmatively, shrugging as she stuffed her board down into the sand. "There's no surf."

Deeks ignored her statement, and grinned anyways. "We can still swim out though. Come along Fern- we can watch the sunset. I know how much you love it. Especially when you're with a hottie like me."

She rolled her eyes and followed slowly behind him, feigning annoyance.

Paddling out to the water, Deeks swam surprisingly carefully and slowly, keeping up the same pace with his girlfriend.

They reached just about the exact same place that they had swam out to a few months before, stopping to watch the sun lower over the horizon, the sky slowly fading to a deeper blue hue.

Deeks stared at Kensi as she looked on at the sunset, only stopping for a fleeting moment when she turned her head to the side and caught his gaze.

"What is it?" She asked with a laugh- he was acting strange, but she couldn't quite tell exactly what it was. He just wasn't acting like, well, _Deeks. _The normal Deeks was succinct and charming and cheeky, not poignant or truly emotive.

The setting sun cast shadows on Deeks' face, and after a moment of unparalleled sincerity, he finally broke into a small chuckle and tore his eyes away from hers.

Flashing Kensi his best-crooked smile, Deeks' eyes glanced down to his lap as he lifted one hand off his surfboard and reached into a zippered pocket on the outside of his swim trucks- one that Kensi had failed to notice before.

She watched with an open mouth as he unzipped it slowly and without a single word. Kensi could sense what was coming, and suddenly couldn't breathe as her breath hitched in her chest.

He whipped out a perfect diamond ring and clutched it tightly, making certain that it wouldn't slip out of his hands and fall into the dark depths of the ocean.

Kensi felt her heart rate soar to new heights, which was visible even to Deeks by the quick raising and lowering of her chest.

He reached his hand left hand out and grabbed hers as he clutched the ring in his right hand, which was shaking just a tad.

She giggled and swallowed hard, unable or unwilling to contain the excitement that flashed over her features.

"Kens? Will you marry me?" Deeks asked, his own voice trembling.

Her expression was a mixture of delight and shock, and Deeks couldn't decide which emotion overpowered the other.

He studied her face for a moment, relatively certain of what she was trying to say, yet still not 100% positive.

"Is that a yes?"

Kensi looked up to the sky and blinked away tears, returning her gaze back to Deeks with a newfound sincerity.

"Yes. That is a _yes_," she whispered, swallowing hard as he slipped a flawless diamond ring onto her finger.

Just as soon as he released her hand, Kensi didn't hesitate to envelope him in a kiss. Her hands wrapped around his neck, pulling him even closer to her.

As close as he could be, really.

. . .

When it really came down to it, Kensi and Deeks didn't agree on much. In fact, there wasn't much of anything that they agreed on. They argued all the time and challenged one another every day. But despite their many differences, there was one important factor that they both shared equally.

They were madly in love with one another- and that was all that mattered.

* * *

**Once again- THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING SO AMAZING! If you want a wedding-day chapter, resort back to chapter 25 of **_**Sideways**_**, one of my other stories. I considered writing another one, but I would have done it almost exactly the same way! =)**

**Until next time!**

**-Hazel **


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